Ultima Lucha Dos: The Darkness Shines

As one of the bigger fans of Lucha Underground, I of course was really looking forward to the conclusion of season two: Última Lucha Dos. The lineup itself looked great, with a mix of feud ending matches stacked against unique opportunities, and everything in between.

I wrote a column nearly two months ago stating quite plainly that I felt that Última Lucha Dos would end with Pentagon, Jr. reigning supreme, having finally vanquished the Monster Matanza Cueto and taking the Lucha Underground Heavyweight Championship in the process.

So, three weeks and four hours later, what did we learn from Última Lucha Dos?

1: Dario Cueto Has Plenty Left Up His Sleeve

When Cueto announced that he’d give a “very special opportunity” to the man that could walk out the victor amongst Son of Havoc, Cage, Texano and The Mack, intrigue was immediate. Would it be an automatic title shot? A ton of money? Something completely different? And on top of that, could we even trust that Cueto would deliver? He hadn’t exactly endeared himself to the general public through honest deals.

Still, when Última Lucha Dos kicked off, the four men showed that they would do what it took to earn that prize. We even kicked things off with a nice wink to the first Última Lucha, with Cage and The Mack engaging in yet another brutal contest. A Falls Count Anywhere contest, the two brawled all over The Temple, destroying anything that got in their way. They even paid homage to last year’s finish, with Cage attempting to curb stomp Mack through a cinder block, only to slip, and lose via rollup on the floor. It was highly violent, and the perfect way to kick things off.

Following that up, Texano and Son of Havoc would lock up in a Boyle Heights Bar Fight. It may not have been the chaotic specatcle of the match that went before it, but don’t confuse that to mean that the match wasn’t good, either. The two, much like Cage and Mack beforehand, took their fight all over The Temple, with all types of odd weapons (bar stools, drink glasses, etc.) finding their way into the fracas. In the end, Son of Havoc would stomp Texano into a pile of broken glass (rest in peace, bottles), before another big boot would send Texano into the glass once more, picking up the relatively huge upset over the former AAA Mega Campeón.

Looking at it on paper, The Mack vs. Son of Havoc looked like quite the undertaking for the masked man. Always cast as the underdog, Son of Havoc had proven himself last year with his Trios Title win, and regaining those belts this year only helped further show that he wasn’t the joke many mistakenly took him to be when Lucha Underground first began.

And Mack looked to prove that he was the better man, taking the fight to Havoc right from the start. Havoc would of course hang with him, and the match would continue to change momentum at various points. While this match didn’t quite hold up to the previous two, it was still a very spirited effort, one that would see Havoc pull of yet another upset, hitting his Shooting Star Press for the win, sending The Temple Believers into a fit of hysterics. If we’re being honest, yours truly also marked out quite hard.

That’s when Dario Cueto would make the announcement as to what, exactly, the “Unique Opportunity” would be. And it was a doozy: Choose between a briefcase containing $250,000, or a briefcase with a guaranteed title shot at Última Lucha Tres! Things were looking pretty good for Havoc, especially when he announced he’d take the title shot.

And that, of course, was when Dario Cueto took the opportunity to remind us all that we should always read the fine print. Since Havoc passed up the money, that money was then put up as a bounty, and Havoc would have to wrestle one more match. The opponent? FREAKING DOCTOR WAGNER JR!

It was here that the air went out of the building in my house. Not even Famous B could cheer me up. I’m a Son of Havoc mark, and I admit it. And I know that Dr. Wagner, to put it in technical terms, rules the whole damn world. The writing was on the wall, and while Havoc fought valiantly, he would ultimately succumb to Wagner.

At this point, it almost seems silly that anyone would trust a Dario Cueto “unique opportunity.” Getting involved in those scenarios only seems to benefit Cueto in the long run, while screwing everyone else over. And Cueto showed, with this latest surprise, that he still has plenty of reach when it comes to finding talent old and new to come to his Temple.

Dr. Wagner has arrived. In his house. With his people. And you will respect him.

2: A Star is Born

Week 2 saw the intense battle between King Cuerno and Mil Muertes, as well as the Gift of the Gods Champioship match featuring Daga, Night Claw, Marty The Moth, Mariposa, Killshot, Sinestro de la Muerte, and Sexy Star.

The battle between Lucha Underground titans Cuerno and Muertes was, unsurprisingly, very fun to watch. The two threw everything at each other, with Muertes looking to finally exact revenge on Cuerno for being a season-long nuissance. If I’m being frank, however, the outcome of this match was never really in doubt, and I think that may have hurt it a little bit for me. Cuerno was a dead man walking, and we all knew it. He had even picked up a flukish victory over Muertes in the lead up to this match to really establish that, yes, the giant dead guy former champion was probably going to smash his opponent.

Credit to Cuerno for calling out the biggest game in Lucha Underground, but in the end, it was a huge mistake, as Mil Muertes once again ended an Última Lucha standing supreme.

However, it was the match for the Gift of the Gods Championship that ended up being important, and for all the right reasons.

Looking at the lineup on paper, it wasn’t really much of a stretch to think that Sexy Star could wind up winning the whole thing. Certainly, out of the seven wrestlers in the match, she was the highest ranking, both in terms of achivement and popularity. Still, the possibility existed that perhaps someone like Daga or Killshot would be given a huge push, or even unknown entity Night Claw, who seemed poised to benefit from special placement into the match thanks to Dario Cueto.

Really, the only person I figured stood zero chance at all was Sinestro de la Muerte, and that’s only due to the fact that, since absorbing his Disciples of Death into his being, he’s beeen absolutely ineffective at nearly every level.

Still, all seven took the opportunity to showcase what they have, and they all made it count. Night Claw actually really surprised me, as I was more than dubious to what this guy could bring. It turned out he could bring all sorts of incredible aerial moves, and after hitting a moonsault from the top of Cueto’s office, he should look to see his stock rise in the upcoming season.

You know, I’m not much for recapping, but trust me when I say this match was just nonstop crazy action. And when we got to the final three, it started to look so deliciously clear. It was Mariposa, her brother Marty the Moth, and Sexy Star. The siblings had ended season 1 by kidnapping Star, and presumably spent the offseason torturing her. She would get help from The Mack, ultimately standing up to them, and having that insane No Más match back in May that saw Star walk out the winner.

But now she was alone, against the two of them. No one to help neutralize Marty. No one but herself. And the two immediately went on the offensive, with Marty literally dragging her around by her mask while Mariposa showered Star with stomps.

So, Sexy Star did was she always does: Fight.

A boot to Mariposa sent her stumbling, allowing Star the chance to hit a double headlock / leg scissor takedown. A near elimination via armbar on Marty had the crowd getting loud, but Mariposa would break it up. Mariposa would look for a superplex, but would get knocked off the turnbuckle to the mat. Sexy would attempt to attack both, but wound up held in place by Mariposa for a Marty cheap shot. But she would duck Marty’s punch, leaving The Moth to KO his sister. A dropkick sent Marty to the floor while Sexy Star pinned Mariposa.

“KILL THE MOTH” rang out through The Temple, and you could feel it all coming together. Star went on the attack with slaps, chops, kicks, and an Octopus Lock, but Marty would counter with a side slam. Marty would slow things down with his creepy mannerisms, dishing out a huge punch and a choke. But when he got too cocky, Star made him pay.

She broke free of his grip, and unleashed a series of strikes until locking in a Craig “Pitbull” Pittman approved cross armbreaker, snapping The Moth’s wing, and forcing the tap.

Finally, Sexy Star had a substantial win.

From Day One, Lucha Underground has heralded Sexy Star as some groundbreaking heroine, one unafraid of anything. And yet, for some reason, they managed to give her lots of wins without giving her anything to hold as an achievement. That ended the second she was handed the Gift of the Gods Championship. Sexy Star is a champion, and if she plays her cards right, she could very well end up as the champion.

This was a great moment for wrestling, period.

3: We All Make Mistakes

After two solid weeks, Última Lucha Dos was on a roll. The two hour finale was supposed to be the big shot, the show that would send us into the offseason foaming at the mouth for more. Taya and Ivelisse would settle their issue. The Trios Titles were on the line, Dragon Azteca Jr would take on the (finally) debuting Black Lotus, the Lucha Underground Championship would be settled, and we’d get a “Dream Match” between Prince Puma and Rey Mysterio Jr for all the bragging rights.

There was no way this could go wrong. Right? Well…

Look, this is hard for me to say, but I’m going to say it: Última Lucha Dos’ finale felt disjointed and chaotic, and not in the fun way. Things got off to an odd start with Pentagon Jr seen fighting a bunch of his clones in a nightclub with strobe lights, with Vampiro telling him that he needed to break free from the man he was, and to “go dark.” What felt like a message to simply get more violent would actually mean something much different.

First, though, we had the Trios Title match, which was, as you may imagine, quite fun. I’m not a big fan of Fenix, but when Angelico made his big return and started smashing crutches over Mundo, Evans and The Darewolf, I didn’t even care that it’d give Fenix yet another title. In fact, I was more happy for Drago and Aerostar on their capturing of LU gold. The match was super entertaining, and I’m only glossing over it because it was actually one of the few things that I felt was done correctly on this night.

The next match was between Black Lotus and Dragon Azteca. This storyline had gone on since the beginning of Lucha Underground, with Dario Cueto having Azteca’s mentor killed by Lotus after convincing her that Azteca had killed her people. Two seasons worth of build, and we finally get to the match. And while both showcased some incredible stuff, the fact is that they had roughly four minutes to do anything before the match was interfered upon.

Seriously? Two full seasons of build, and we can’t even get an actual match with an actual conclusion? It was very un-Lucha Underground to me, as they’ve usually done a very good job of delivering a payoff when one is absolutely needed. And, make no mistake, this was one of those scenarios.

Instead, we got the debut of Pentagon DARK, with his all new black getup. And don’t get me wrong, watching him wreck both Lotus and Azteca with his armbreaker was awesome, because, of course, Pentagon rules. But, still. The hell, Lucha??

With the two previous competitors vanquished, Pentagon would give his big speech announcing his new persona. It was pretty cool, I guess. And while I thought the name itself was a little goofy, I did like the idea of changing the name up a bit. The “Jr” just sounds so out of place for the resident skeleton ninja. And so, when he then announced that he wanted his title shot RIGHT THEN, I got a weird feeling.

Pentagon beating Matanza should be a huge, crowning moment. One that sees The Temple lose their minds that Dario’s monster has been beaten down. You know, a moment you close the show with. It was at this moment that I feared my proclamation would fall short. I even started reasoning out to my buddy: “Well, if Matanza loses, there’s nothing left for him to do. He’s kinda fucked. Pentagon still has things he can do if he loses.” Still, I felt confident that perhaps this was all being done to make us think that way, and that Pentagon would still get his long-due retribution on The Monster.

And then the match happened. And the match was quite disappointing. Pentagon bludgeoned Matanza for what felt like an eternity, with the champ getting nearly zero offense in for minutes and minutes. Pentagon looked like a beast, but the length of the beatdown got draining. The crowd quieted. The action stalled. Nearly seven minutes of almost 100% one-sided action, but no finish.

Pentagon would eventually make the mistake, as he placed a chair in the corner and attempted to whip Matanza into it, but Matanza would reverse. The momentum finally shifted. Matanza began unleashing his throws. But Pentagon took it all and stood right back up. He even kicked out of Matanza’s reverse powerslam! Maybe it was gonna be all right! Maybe Pentagon DARK really was the secret to beating Matanza!

And then it crumbled. After a second rope Mexican Destroyer, Pentagon looked set to win. But then that idiot Vampiro interjected himself, handing Pentagon a barbed wire bat for no particular reason. When Pentagon went to attack, Dario Cueto would grab the bat. Pentagon would go for the arm breaker on Dario, and… would get smashed by Matanza with the bat, eat the Wrath of the Gods, and get pinned in the middle of the ring.

Again… THE HELL, LUCHA?!? You had this great story RIGHT THERE. You had this monster that destroyed everyone, who put Pentagon out. You have Pentagon devote the rest of the season to returning to take the Monster out. You even change Pentagon into this way darker character. And for what?! So he can turn on Vampiro?!?

All mark rants aside, I do understand this booking somewhat. Like I said, a loss would have left Matanza with nowhere to go. Him defeating Super Duper Pentagon makes him look even more unstoppable. I get that. I just… when the story is right there, just go with the story! Gah!

Yeah… I’m just mad that Pentagon isn’t the champion. I’ll survive, ha.

Then, Ivelisse/Taya was used as a backdrop for the Catrina/Ivelisse feud, and done so right after that title match. I mean, the ladies did what they could, but when the outcome of the match makes it so that the winner is an afterthought, that’s not exactly the best thing in the world. But I’m willing to wait and see where it goes like the mooks like to say as far as a Catrina/Ivelisse feud goes. Still, that was a pretty unnecessary railroading of Taya for no particular reason. No one will remember that she won; they’ll remember Catrina’s ECW light tricks.

As for Rey vs Puma? The match was fantastic. Fanfuckingtastic, even. But the wrong guy won, and I don’t think I need to spend multiple paragraphs reinforcing that thought.

Still, in the end, Última Lucha Dos was four hours of some incredible action, unbelievable twists and turns, and, sure, some nonsensical stuff as well. I still LOVE Lucha Underground, even if I didn’t agree with 100% of the things that took place.

Besides, they were still nice enough to wrap it all up with Pentagon drinking Vampiro’s blood as he lay in a battered heap. They always know how to bring me back.

Viva Lucha Underground.

¡¡VIVA ÚLTIMA LUCHA!!

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