The Dark Side: This Divas Revolution is Bunk

I hate to do it, really I do. I hate to be the griper, because I usually try to focus on the things I like. However, there’s something so fraudulent in the current Divas Revolution, and it’s really driving me crazy.

What was once a division of frenemies has now, somehow, been turned into something even more minimal, as the “division” is now, basically, three groups of three women apiece, and no faction is friendly with another. And for some reason, since they brought up some NXT women’s wrestlers, this is supposed to be some giant step in rebuilding the Divas division.

You’ll pardon me for not buying in completely.

Really, we should have known that this wasn’t going to go the way many had hoped when Stephanie McMahon was the reason this revolution got kicked off in the first place. You know, the amicable leader who never talks down to any of the superstars, let alone the other divas. Oh wait, that was Stephanie immediately putting Nikki Bella (you remember, the WWE Divas Champion) into her spot by telling her to shut her mouth, lest we forget who the real “top woman” in WWE is.

Off to that amazing start, WWE’s Divas division changed from a bunch of women who hate The Bellas, along with whoever is the #1 Contender of the month into the aforementioned Three Groups of Three.

And now they wrestle each other. Every single week. In singles matches, in tag matches, and even in 6 Divas Matches. The same nine, in remixed versions of the same match we’ve seen since this revolution started. And again, this is somehow supposed to signal some new opportunity for the ladies.

Sure, now we get two Divas matches per Raw, and yes, they’re longer than they used to be. I’ve also noticed that the Divas also get far less mic time, instead having to settle to doing commentary for matches that they’re not involved in. Is it Nikki Bella taking on Paige? Well, you can probably assume that Brie, Alicia Fox, Charlotte or Becky Lynch will be at the booth. Is Naomi teaming with Tamina to take on Becky and Charlotte? Then I bet Sasha Banks is at the table.

And yes, I know it’s not hard to point out that giving them more matches, longer match time, and a constant ability to speak is a good thing, but here’s the thing: it feels like overall, they aren’t getting more time. It feels a lot more like they get the same amount of time they always did, only there’s far less interviews and storyline, and all that time goes to repeating the same variants of the same match.

On top of that, sitting at the booth is a much different animal than cutting a promo. At times, it’s rather clear that the wrestlers at the booth are way more focused on the match, leading to long silences, or really short answers whenever Cole or JBL tries to prompt them a bit. And I say “wrestlers” instead of just “divas” not to make some gender equality stand, but to point out that this is not only a divas issue. The men struggle at the commentary booth as well, and so to me, making commentary time the only real promo time the ladies get seems really unfair overall.

We can only see so many variants of “these three girls against these other three girls,” but that’s all we’re getting. No Emma. No Cameron. Summer Rae is too busy being used as a Fake Lana. Instead of anyone being shown to be dominant, we’re 50/50 booking the matches so that every squad looks good immediately after looking bad. Worse, there’s really been some weak explanation to the groupings. Alicia Fox just teamed with The Bellas because, uh, they’re all champions. Totally. Paige went and grabbed a couple friends from NXT. Sure. Sasha Banks… picked the baddest divas. Uh huh. It all came together so perfectly neat, that there was no way this felt like a real uprising. It felt like nine divas were put in a room and told to find “two others that they can hang out with, and then come up with a name.”

As always, I have to point out that my issue here is not with the Divas themselves. In fact, one thing I can absolutely count as a positive for this newfound caring of the Divas is that my levels of dislike for some of them have dropped.

No longer having to listen to Naomi talk forever, and only having to see her wrestle, I no longer get the visceral reaction to her that I used to. Not having to hear fifty “And you know what?” from Nikki Bella anymore has made it a little easier to watch her wrestle like a create a wrestler from a video game, with all of her power moves. It sounds like I’m being facetious, but I’m actually straight shooting here. And yes, I am more than aware that I just griped about how the Divas were losing mic time and not getting a proper opportunity for promos. As a whole, I do believe that. But there were definitely a few Divas that I didn’t mind not having to listen to anymore.

I basically just wish that we had gotten an honest attempt at pushing the entire division as a collection of individuals with different goals. Instead, all 9 of them are now in some mission to prove they are “the best,” as if that’s some original idea with which to relaunch a division.

This three groups of three thing is the laziest way I can imagine doing it, and the impending SummerSlam match (would you believe that all 3 groups are wrestling each other in an elimination match? CRAZY!) only hammers home how little direction the division still has.

There’s no title on the line? All these singles matches have been to build to a 9 Diva match? Really? That’s progress?

At least with the old way, we’d be seeing a Tamina Snuka push come out of nowhere, she’d get a title shot, and she’d lose.

But at least the division’s championship would be defended, as if it was something important, and not a trinket that no one honestly cares about in this Mean Girls battle.

There’s no doubt that these ladies are talented. Many earned their stripes in NXT, and came in with a following. Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch, Paige, and even Tamina Snuka have shown to be more than capable in there. Alicia Fox, Nikki Bella, Naomi, and even Brie Bella can make it work under the right circumstances. Improvement has been seen in all of them. But when the vehicle they’re given is to basically recycle one of three matches over and over again, then eventually the hype is going to die down, especially if we never establish who the people to beat truly are.

Here’s hoping that, after SummerSlam, we start an actual revolution with the Divas. One where instead of needing to travel in friend packs, everyone is strong enough to stand on their own (but are still allowed to have a pal if need be). One where we actually choose a few to be better than the rest, and to treat them as such. One where everyone is gunning for the champion, instead of happily sitting to the side as her minion, unable to win anything because there’s no other titles available.

You know, like how they treat the men. That would be quite the revolution, indeed.

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