Tell ‘Em: The Elementary Start of RAW

Hello readers!

You typically hear from me every Monday night, recapping our beloved RAW, and truly helping to guide the ship that is the LIVE RAW Recap. Recently, I’ve noticed something at 411wrestling.com’s wrestling section, and it started with the exit of one Len Archibald. This is not a knock on the other writers here at 411, but there was something instantly relatable to Len’s writing – something almost…comforting and creating of conversation. Most columns are statements, yet Len’s was a call to your response. That was the beauty I found in them. I would never attempt to replicate what he has done, nor am I even considering myself equal, but considering the gaping hole that he left in our body that is 411, I have been continuously compelled to get back behind the keyboard in such a way that at least TRIES to fill a void.

After all, it’s not like I have a sphere of future moments that I can use to blatantly tell you “I told you so” over and over…

With that being said, I hope your welcome is as bountiful as I know it to be, and I also hope this can bring us a little bit of an alternate look at the world we know as wrestling by comparing it to the world you may not know so much…mine.

I’m not sure of the educational system in other states, and I’m also not aware of what this whole “Common Core” nonsense is, but I recall one particular lesson I learned in grade school that stuck with me for more than one reason. It was during a writing exercise – we were learning how to “properly write an essay.” The idea was simple, and even had a catchy little name called “Tell Em, Tell Em, Tell Em.” I recall it being relatively simple and repetitive, but it wasn’t until college where I learned that this instilled method of writing was – essentially – the WORST way to write an essay. Yes, people, for those of you not yet entering college, there are going to be many, many lessons you will be forced to forget simply because they do not work or are about as useless as Stephanie McMahon in a sweatshirt.

So why bring this up? Why start a wrestling column with an anecdote from my childhood? Well, simply because it relates. At its core, the “Tell Em, Tell Em, Tell Em” model is simple: Tell the readers what you’re going to say. Tell them what you want to say. Tell them what you already told them. Some may see this model in an Intro, Body, Conclusion form, and some divide it into three simple pages instead of paragraphs (I learned both ways), but the reality of it is that it’s both an archaic and simpleton way of expressing a fully realized thesis. It is a model created for children. A model that those with a modicum of education or intelligence will scoff at the simple sight of it. Now I ask you, where else in our common relations, 411 audience, can we see the TE, TE, TE model?

Ah yes, Monday Night Raw. Let’s apply the model first, then break down just why it creates nothing but stagnancy and boredom.

Tell Em 1: Whether it’s The Authority, John Cena, Randy Orton, or whoever, the norm is set. RAW will open with a talking segment ranging from 10 to 20 minutes. In fact, a lot of readers set bets on just how long this little opening speech will last. So, what we have here is the writers, in some fashion TELLING us what the show is going to be about. Whether it’s making matches, enhancing feuds, or simply stating the obvious, these first 20 or so minutes are done for one reason – to set the show up.

Tell Em 2: Of course, the best part of RAW – the action. This is essentially the meat of the essay that is RAW – the body. For example, if we are told in the opening segment of RAW that Roman Reigns is going to face Seth Rollins, here is where we differentiate what they are “going to tell us” from what they are actually telling us. It’s the execution of the setup, the punchline of the joke, the conflict of the story. This, in all honesty, should be the focus and the most important part of the entire show, just as it should be in the paper. The trouble, often times, is that the meat is unseasoned and sullied due to the watered down nature of the opening segment. No intrigue, no specialness.

Tell Em 3: Some would consider this the conclusion, but here is where the WWE slightly deviates from the model, as instead of waiting until the end to wrap up the entire show, they opt to show recap after recap after recap of events – most the time, events that JUST happened! Rest assured, the beginning of hour two is going to start with a recap of the opening moments. Be sold on the fact that we’re going to hear Cena’s promo from that night more than once in the same night. And don’t be alarmed if they take us back to “the top of the hour” to something we may need some light shed on (Ambrose’s ‘attack’ on the camera man). Years ago, we maybe needed these recaps as a way to see something which had no alternate way of viewing. We couldn’t rewind our tv shows. We couldn’t download RAW via torrent and watch later. All we had was a phone call from a friend and Jim Ross going over a recap. Those days are gone, and now we are left skipping nearly 11 minutes of RAW total due to unnecessary recaps. Seriously, I’ve timed it.

After a look at this, one can easily ask how this is offensive. It’s a model, and it works for them, right? WRONG! This is a model used for a fifth grade classroom, a week before the state testing simply so that the school does not get fined. Since January of this year (and before that, as well), we have had an opening segment EVERY SINGLE RAW. Guys. EVERY EPISODE OF RAW has started the same way.

With the constant comparison and repetitious verbal needle-poke that is Michael Cole claiming they are a “weekly episodic television show,” then we must treat them as such, and if we are doing so then the question must be asked: Would you be ok with your favorite show starting the SAME WAY every single week? Honestly, how many of you wait 20 minutes to watch RAW because you know that these 20 will only be full of fluff? Would we want to see Jax Teller with an opening monologue about Charming, CA? Would Jeff Winger having something to say to start every Community episode have given that show more “edge?” Would Walter White sitting in a Winnebago spewing his hatred for Tuco have made Breaking Bad even BETTER? (Ok, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad). The short answer is no, none of these would be even remotely acceptable by viewers, so why should we accept it?

What about the recaps? Are we not in 2015, where practically every episode of RAW is DVR’d – or even better: recapped by an awesome writer at your favorite site? This isn’t to say that replays aren’t useful, or even necessary to tell certain stories, but do we really NEED to hear the same promo we heard “before the break?” Truly, the only thing these recaps do for me is prove that the WWE can very readily sum up what took 20 minutes in roughly 20 seconds, yet finds the need to elongate verbal sparring on a weekly basis, practically screaming to the world that three hours is TOO FUCKING LONG!

But Tony, what would you do?! Oh, I’m glad you asked! Let me give you three:

1) The tried and true “START WITH A MATCH!” We don’t need the promo to open and tell us what will be happening on RAW. Give us ACTION, and let Cole and Co. fill us in on the show/feuds/etc. It IS their job, after all, right? Of course, this can’t work every week (just like an opening promo can’t), but it’d be a nice change of pace, and a damned near requirement not to flip the channel.

2) Remember those rare occasions when RAW would start with a brawl backstage that seemingly started “BEFORE THE SHOW?” It wouldn’t be too far-fetched to tune into RAW and see Dean Ambrose tossing someone across a catering table, or traveling along the river of INSERT CITY HERE, interviewing fans about RAW and how much Seth Rollins is a weasel.

3) A card. No, not a promo telling us what’s booked for RAW tonight, or even a graphic showing Cena vs Rusev again. But a card. A full layout of matches that will be on tonight – maybe 4 to 5, leaving room for additions and alterations (which will happen). Throw a spiffy graphic saying this is tonight, and make us invested in the competition that will be happening.
Of course, these ideas are flexible, and they can’t happen on a weekly basis, but they’re DIFFERENT!

So where do we go from here? Well, that’s where I leave you readers to your own devices. How would you start RAW?

Tony Acero has been writing for 411wrestling.com for five years and takes himself about as seriously as you do. He likes whiskey, Mountain Dew, and Batman. He is a published author, currently working on his third book and questions almost daily why he spends more time on a hobby that doesn’t make him any money than the supposed career he has a degree for. When he’s not writing for 411wrestling.com, you can find him wallowing in self-pity under a tree with no pants on.