Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Survivor Series 2009

• The video package focuses on UT’s debut at the 1990 SS and then segues into how everyone keeps coming back after him and this time it’s JeriShow in a triple threat match. Then we get brief mentions of Team Orton vs. Team Kofi, Team Morrison vs. Team Miz, Rey/Batista and Cena taking on DX in a triple threat.

• Traditional Survivor Series Match: Team Miz (The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, and Sheamus) vs. Team Morrison (John Morrison, Evan Bourne, Finlay, Matt Hardy, and Shelton Benjamin). Cole heavily emphasizes the rule that says you MUST return to the back after being eliminated which means that’ll come in to play. He asks Striker for strategy: “Smooth seas make poor sailors.” There ya go.

• Swagger and Bourne to start. Bourne uses his speed to get a roll up for 2. He tries a small package but Swagger pounds him down with a suplex and tags in Dolph. Dolph gives him a frontflip neck whip and throws the Soul Glo on him. Dolph sends him into the turnbuckle and gives him a reverse powerslam for 2. Dolph drops some elbows and then even does the mini People’s Elbow including elbow pad toss for 2. Swagger back in and goes to a front facelock at less than 2 minutes in. Ziggler back in as Swagger tries to set up a double team but eats a double knee lariat back into the mat. Dolph takes back over with a half crab but Bourne kicks him away and up and overs into a SICK springboard rana. That’s one of the smoothest Frankensteiner’s I’ve seen since the late 90s Mysterio. Matt Hardy in with a Side Effect. Bourne now hits the SSP and Dolph is out at 4:00.

• Drew in with a big boot and a double arm DDT and Bourne’s out at 4:11.

• Finlay in and goes to the GnP on McIntyre. Cole: “THE SCOT VS. THE IRISH!” Striker: “This is the rivalry that has been ELECTRIFYING FRIDAY NIGHTS!” Settle down, Beavis and Butthead. Finlay with the Finlay roll but Dolph slides out of another and tags in Sheamus. Now, it’s the Williamite-Jacobite war all over again. Sheamus with the scissors kick and Finlay is gone with little fanfare at 5:15.

• Matt in with rights on Sheamus. Striker calls Sheamus, “Stonehenge Alive!” They botch a corner spot so Hardy clotheslines him back and goes for a bulldog. Sheamus shoves him away and hits the Bulldog powerslam for 1. Sheamus drops some elbows for 2. Miz in with a leg drop for 2 and goes to a chinlock/anchor hold. Miz slides out of a slam and gets the neckbreaker combo for 2. Miz goes to a front facelock. Matt punches his way out and hits a Russian leg sweep but he’s too out of it to take advantage. Swagger in and drives Hardy into the corner. Swagger works the back with some shots and goes to a chinlock. Matt goes to a sleeper and then a sleeper neckbreaker and tags in Morrison. Morrison with a dropkick and gamengiri on Swagger. Swagger sends him into the corner and goes for the VaderBomb but Morrison moves and hits a springboard gamengiri. He covers but the heels breaks up the cover. The match breaks down and the ref gets bumped. Morrison and Swagger botch a reversal sequence and do it again. That ends with a boot to Swagger’s face and Starship Pain and Swagger’s out at 12:08.

• Miz jumps Morrison from behind. He sends him into the corner and hits his corner clothesline. Miz heads up top and hits a double ax handle. Cover gets 2. Shelton with a blind tag and sneaks Miz with an O’Connor roll for 2. Shelton with a high angle back suplex and a springboard burrito off the top. Shelton with a Stinger Splash and a Northern Lights suplex for 2. Shelton fights off McIntyre and bridges a German suplex for 2 on Miz. Shelton goes for his flip neckbreaker but Sheamus breaks it up and Miz hits the SCF and Shelton’s out at 15:00.

• Hardy back in but McIntyre tags in as well. Drew with a clothesline and a short arm clothesline for 2. Drew with a headbutt but Matt drop toe holds him into the turnbuckle and hits a neckbreaker. Matt goes up for the yodeling leg drop and covers for 2. Matt with another neckbreaker and heads up top but Sheamus distracts. Drew slides out and hits a Double Arm DDT and eliminates Matt at 17:12.

• Morrison is now all alone against Drew, Sheamus and Miz. Drew with some boots and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus with the GnP. The heels all taunt. Miz in now and talks shit to Morrison about he’s going to be the HBK instead of Jannetty. Morrison comes back with rights and a leg lariat. The heels take back over with some punishment behind the ref’s back. Morrison tries fighting them off and knocks Miz and Drew off the apron. He goes for the springboard gamengiri but leaps into a bicycle kick. Sheamus finishes him off with the Razor’s Edge at 20:54. As is usually the case, this match was better once it got away from the quick eliminations and developed into a semblance of a formula tag match. But it’s about average as far as these go, though I LOVE the clean and dominant win for the heels. ***

• Meanwhile, Team Kofi is in the back. It’s Mizark, Truth, MVP, Kofi and Christian. Christian’s a little nervous because he says he’s not like the rest of them. He’s “different.” They try reassuring him and Christian meekishly offers that he’s the only one… that is… well ya know… from ECW. They are all relieved and take a collective sigh to avoid the tension caused by Christian being the only… person… that’ s from Canada. RIIIIIIIIGHT. PHEW. Truth tells him it’s all good. Christian says that it’s a little known fact that Canadians are great rappers: “Team Kofi Kington looking for a fight, Four of us are book and one of us is white, WHATS UP!? WHAT’S UP?!” Christian gets no love and starts to sheepishly walk off because they all hug it out. Funny stuff that probably plays better watching it than reading about it.

• Rey Mysterio vs. Batista. This was of course set up by a Batista heel turn when he felt Rey stabbed him in the back in the fatal four way at Bragging Rights for the belt. Batista: “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!!” Batista still gets a big pop for his music and entrance despite being a clear heel.

• Mysterio tries to chop him down to start and clips the knee to set up a 619 but Batista rolls to the floor. Batista pulls Rey out and drives him into the apron. Back in, Rey baseball slides through and springboards back in but Batista ducks and levels him with a clothesline. Batista wants the DemonBomb but Rey slides out. Batista tries a spinebuster but Rey avoids. Batista now tries a powerslam but Rey sidesteps and clips the knee for a 2 count. He dropkicks Batista into the ropes for the 619 but Batista catches him. Batista with another go at the bomb but Rey ranas him to the floor. Rey with a baseball slide dropkick and a seated senton off the apron. Back in, Rey boots him in the face and hits a couple of 619 to Batista’s gut. He hits another to Batista’s head and the seated senton. No cover and Rey heads up top. He tries the Frog Splash but Batista gets the knees up. Batista with a Spear and a spinebuster and Rey’s toast as Batista soaks in his moment. Batista with a DemonBomb and no cover. Batista isn’t satisfied. He takes off his elbow pads and hits another DemonBomb. Still no cover. Some in the crowd chant for 1 more. The ref is trying to wave him off. Batista hits one more to a mild pop and Jack Doane calls for the bell at 6:50 for Batista to win by KO and/or ref’s decision. Extended squash but an energetic one and the story worked. **1/2

• Post-match, Batista scares away the officials and gets a chair to sit next to Mysterio and menacingly stare him down. The smarts start chanting for Batista, so he throws the chair down in the ring and gives Mysterio a spinebuster on the chair, just to show who’s the man.

• In the back, Team Orton (Orton, Regal, Rhodes, Dibiase, and Punk) are getting ready. Here’s Orton once again to give the worst motivational speech possible. He says he expected to be standing next to champions and future stars but each one of them has failed recently. Punk doesn’t take that shit and says that he expected Orton to lead by example and not get his ass kicked by Kofi. Orton decides not to get angry and instead says they can all make amends tonight.

• Traditional Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match: Team Orton (CM Punk, William Regal, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, Jr. and Randy Orton) vs. Team Kofi (Kofi Kingston, MVP, Mark Henry, Christian, and R-Truth). For intro, we get clips of Kofi at the peak of his overness by attacking Orton at MSG. Punk wants Truth big time during his entrance. Apparently and I DEFINITELY forgot all about this, Truth dumped a bottle of whiskey and some cigarettes on Punk to test his delicate sensibilities for that kind of thing, since his only addiction is working out.

• Henry and Orton to start. Striker is in nickname overkill tonight as he’s already called Christian, “pontiff of the peepulation” and now he’s calling Henry, “the chef of Hell’s Kitchen.” Orton tries a whip but gets sent into the heel corner and headbutted down. Henry knocks the other heels off the apron and goes to a bearhug at 30 seconds in. Legacy breaks that up and Orton RKOs him down at :52. Well, that would certainly be more competitive now.

• Now, the heels hold a strategy session on the floor and Orton slides back in to go at it with MVP. Cody quickly tags in and goes to work on MVP in the corner. Ted in now for more boots. Regal in for the same. And Punk in to make sure everyone gets their licks. MVP goes back with a belly to belly throw and tags in Truth. Truth with his assortment and dancing, barrel roll offense. WHAT’S UP?! Rhodes distracts long enough for Punk to hit the G2S and DRAG TRUTH AWAY FROM THE FACE CORNER! That prevents a pin break up and Truth is out at 3:14.

• The faces are now 2 men down. Christian in with a roll up for 2 as he tries to avoid the heel corner that cost them earlier. Christian with a clothesline for 1. Punk cuts him off with a slam and Dibiase is in with a double foot stomp off the top for 2. Christian gets a head of steam but runs into a powerslam for 2. Dibiase goes for Dream Street. Christian wants the Unprettier instead. Dibiase catapults him into the turnbuckle. Christian with a gutshot and a sunset flip off the second turnbuckle and the roll up gets the 3 on Dibiase at 5:09.

• Regal in and quickly jumps Christian. He wants a clothesline but runs into a dropkick. Kofi in with double chops that Regal doesn’t bump for. Kofi with a Bluechipper dropkick and the mounted punches in the corner and covers for 2. Kofi goes for a crossbody but Regal sidesteps and tags in Cody. Cody drops a knee and tags Regal for some Euro uppercuts. Kofi comes back with some odd right hands. Regal with a T-Bone but MVP gets the blind tag and takes him out with the Drive By at 6:51.

• Cody in with a crossbody but MVP rolls through for 2. Christian in with some smacks on Cody. He wants a tornado DDT but Cody shoves him off and kicks him for 2. Cody now goes to a waistlock to slow things down. Christian with a roll up for 2 but Cody cuts him off with a clothesline. Orton in now with a Bluechipper dropkick for 2. Orton with a Batista kick and tags Cody back in. Cody whiffs on a knee drop and MVP tags in. MVP with up and over out of the corner and a running clothesline. He hits a jawbreaker and the ballin’ elbow. He wants the Playmaker but Orton distracts. Cody hits Crossroads and MVP is out at 10:10.

• Kofi in and sneaks Cody with a school boy for 2. Christian in and they double team the arm for a bit. Kofi with a splash for 2. Christian in and Cody shoves him into the turnbuckle but Christian comes back with the Unprettier and Cody is out at 11:37.

• Now, we’re down to 2 on 2. Christian and Orton go at it. Orton pulls him into the turnbuckle to get an advantage. Orton drops a knee and knocks Kofi off the apron just to be a dick. Christian with a small package out of desperation for 2. Punk distracts. Orton wants the RKO but Christian counters to the Unprettier. Cover gets 1, 2,–only 2 as Punk breaks it up! OO! Christian attacks Punk and shitcans him but whiffs on a charge. RKO! THE VIPER STRIKES, sayeth Michael Cole and Christian is out at 13:26.

• Kofi is all by himself against Orton and Punk. Kofi says he means business and Orton chickens out and tags in Punk instead to boos. Kofi and Punk are of course former tag partners, tag champs at this point. Kofi says his beef is with Orton but they slug it out anyway. Kofi wins that but Punk gets him in the fireman’s carry. Kofi slides out and tries the Trouble in Paradise but Punk ducks! Stalemate so far. Punk runs into a dropkick and Kofi hits the Ranhei! Cover gets 1, 2—KICKOUT AT 2! Kofi whiffs on a Stinger Splash. Punk goes to the knee and gives him a pair of DR FG s for 2. Punk goes to the triangle choke. Orton continues to look on from the floor like a second at this point. Kofi kicks his way free but runs into a powerslam for 2 from Punk. Punk goes right back to the leg body lock this time. Crowd tries getting behind Kofi but it’s slow going. Kofi tries a splash but Punk gets the knees up. Punk with a Falcon Arrow for 2. Punk with the step up knee in the corner and wants a bulldog but Kofi counters to a back suplex. Kofi heads up top but Punk cuts him off. Orton is looking a bit concerned, but it’s hard to tell because his facial expression never changes as The Viper. It’s a lot like the emotions of Darth Vader t-shirt. ANYWAY, Punk tries a superplex but Kofi shoves him off and hits a crossbody off the top for a close 2. Kofi with the double chops and a leg lariat. Kofi with a flying burrito. He wants the Boom Drop but Orton distracts from the apron long enough for Punk to O’Connor roll Kofi. Kofi counters to his own O’Connor roll! Cover gets 1, 2, 3! Punk’s eliminated at 20:44.

• Orton slides in immediately and goes for the RKO! Kofi cuts him off at the pass with the TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Cover gets the 3 and Kofi goes through Punk and Orton to win it at 20:51. I was wrong before. THAT is the peak of Kofi’s overness. Nothing since has come close to equaling the crowd energy or reaction for him. Of course, he would job next month at TLC and that would end all that. The trend continues with the longer segments being the best as the 2 on 2 was the biggest slice and most fun of the match. Punk was gold the whole time he was in there as he most of the time is. ***1/2

• Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show vs. The Undertaker (c). JeriShow are tag champs at this point and both mains were booked as the two dominant tag teams having to co-exist in a triple threat against the champs. On Smackdown before this show, Jericho accidentally on purpose gave Show the Codebreaker and posed with the world belt while UT was down as well. Cole, Striker and King are questioning whether or not Show and Jericho are on the same page or distrustful. Separate entrances for the tag champs and Show has his Giant Amish Roadkill look going.

• JeriShow corners UT to start and pounds him down. Jericho holds him in the corner so Show can hit some headbutts. They both choke him as Jericho taunts. Show with a glacially slow clothesline on UT and another from Jericho that sends UT to the floor. He pulls Jericho to the floor and sends him into the barricade. UT goes for the Liu Kang kick but Jericho ducks and UT gets hung out to dry. Jericho Batista kicks him over the barricade. Show now goes UT the KO punch to the gut and laughs it up. This isn’t bad but it’s just SOOOOOOO slow. It’s practically in slow motion. Jericho waffles UT with the mic and then slides him back in. UT tries to fight them off but the numbers are still too much. They send him across. Show sends Jericho in for a charge but he eats turnbuckle. UT with a running clothesline on Show and tosses him. UT with a pair of Ho Trains on Jericho and Snake Eyes. Show pulls him to the floor but gets sent into the ringpost head first. Jericho goes for the springboard dropkick but UT cuts him off with a right hand. UT works over Jericho and wants Old School but Jericho crotches him. Jericho preps a superplex as Cole and Striker wonder where the hell Show is because he’s been selling a clothesline for about 5 minutes now. Jericho actually manages to hit the top rope suplex but is too out of it to corner. Delayed cover gets 2. Jericho taunts to a mixed reaction but definitely some cheers. He goes for the Lionsault but UT gets the knees up. Jericho lands on his feet and wants the WoJ. Jericho rolls him over and locks it in. UT struggles but Jericho pulls him back to the middle. UT close to tapping but Show slides and breaks it up. He ChokeSlams Jericho. He tries another on UT but UT counters to a DDT. Jericho covers each for only 2 and Show does the emphatic kickout and tosses Jericho to the floor. Show goozles UT but UT goozles him back. They jockey for position. Jericho is in with the belt but accidentally waffles Show. UT with a big boot for 2. UT wants the Last Ride but Jericho waffles him with the belt at the apex! Delayed cover only gets 2. Jericho does the eyes rolled back in the head throat slash. OH SHIT! UT’s surely going to send him to kayfabe hell for that. He goes for the Tombstone but UT counters. Show with the KO punch breaks it up. He covers but Jericho breaks it up at 2. Jericho tries to cover now and Show of course pulls him off. Jericho goes for the Codebreaker and Show easily tosses him away and lays him with the KO punch. Show drops the straps and goozles UT. UT drops down and catches him in Hell’s Gate and Show taps at 13:38. The only thing remotely interesting about this was the last few minutes with the Show/Jericho, will they/won’t they co-exist storyline and even that was pretty obvious. But you have to love Jericho stealing UT’s taunt and still not taking the loss here. I’m sure he’s been mowing Undertaker’s yard for the past several months though. **1/2

• Meanwhile, Josh Matthews is in the back with The Miz, Sheamus and Drew McIntyre. The survivors from the earlier SS match. Miz says this is a taste of the greatness that is to come from these 3. He proved tonight that he’s better than John Morrison and he’s a better leader. Drew says tonight that everyone saw in him what Mr. McMahon saw himself. Sheamus says his only regret was that this was too easy. Since eliminating Jamie Noble, he’s had a hard time finding decent competition. Excellent promo all around especially considering it was part of the “new breed” and the backstage promos are ALWAYS Cena, Triple H, Orton or Shawn Michaels, so it’s quite the step up for the newer guys to get the same opportunity.

• Divas Traditional Survivor Series Match: Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox, Layla and Jillian vs. Mickie James, Melina, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim and Eve. KK and Layla to start. Layla with a trip for 1. Layla hits an ugly pirouette roundhouse for 2. KK comes back with some clotheslines. Layla tries an enzuigiri but whiffs. KK with a Famasser and she’s out at 1:17.

• McCool and Gail Kim in. GK with a dropkick and a burrito in the corner. GK with a sunset flip for 2. GK tries a rana but McCool counters to the Styles Clash at 2:06.

• Eve sneaks McCool with a roll up for 2. Jillian in with a cartwheel elbow and a hair toss. Eve flips out of a side slam but whiffs on a dropkick. Jillian with a cover for 2. Eve gets the boot up on a handspring back elbow and barely connects on a sunset flip off the second rope for the 3 at 3:37.

• Phoenix in with the Glam Slam and Eve’s out at 3:41.

• Beth with another on KK and she’s out at 4:10.

• MJ ducks a shot and clips the knee with a dropkick. MJ with a crucifix and Beth’s out at 4:46.

• Beth waffles her after elimination anyway. Alicia in and covers for 1. Alicia with a Northern Lights suplex for 2. MJ goes to a front facelock but Alicia drives her into the corner. MJ boots her away and gets a Thesz press off the top at 6:26.

• McCool waffles her from behind and goes batshit. McCool goes to the chinlock. MJ drives her into the corner but McCool takes her down. MJ with a burrito to come back. McCool prevents the tag and covers for 2. Alright, time to take this home. Melina in with a couple takedowns. Melina with a heel kick out of a tiltawhirl. She hits the Troll Yell and a hairtoss for 2. McCool tries a big boot but Melina avoids with the limbo. McCool with a belly to belly for 2. Melina counters to a Code Red to take it at 10:41. That was about 5 minutes too long especially when it almost gets as much time as the WHW match. Just dull as hell. *

• We get a clip of Grisham interviewing Batista as he was leaving the arena and he said he felt embarrassed for Mysterio. Bring back heel Batista.

• Triple Threat for the WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena (c). All 3 are face. The whole feud had the air of jokes and generally being inconsequential, but with the chemistry these 3 had and how over they were it was still going to be good. In the last week or so, Cena played up DX having to make a choice to see who would try to be the one to beat Cena because they both couldn’t do it. The loudest pop is for Cena but the one with the most cheers by themselves is probably for HBK.