Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Survivor Series 2003

• Package focuses on the various meanings possible for survival tonight. Goldberg surviving Triple H’s bounty and Evolution’s scheming? Can Vince survive Undertaker’s wrath? Can Shane overcome Kane especially after Kane no sell falling into a pit of fire? Can Austin trust the people on his team going against Bischoff’s team? Who will come out on top between Angle and Lesnar?

• Classic Survivor Series Elimination Match: John Cena, Chris Benoit, Bradshaw, Hardcore Holly and Kurt Angle vs. Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan and Brock Lesnar. Cena gets the stick and cuts the Thug Life promo and tells Show to blow him. Classy. Somehow, Show looks fatter just because he has a handlebar mustache. In case you don’t know who Nathan Jones is, here’s how awful he is: he was originally slated to wrestle UT at WM 03, but in the workouts leading up, he was so awful, that they changed it to a tag match against A-Train and Show with him teaming with UT instead. As if that wasn’t enough, they didn’t even trust him to stand on the apron for a few minutes in front of a large crowd so instead they scrapped him from the match with an injury angle and instead had him do a run-in. Michael Cole: “I can tell you we don’t know a whole lot about Matt Morgan.” Thanks for that. Ingenuously, the announcers are selling this less as Angle vs. Brock and more as Holly vs. Brock because of that whole broken neck thing that would culminate in a world title program and 5 minute RR job out for Hardcore.

• Hardcore jumps Brock to start and the whole ring erupts into a brawl. Holly sends Brock to the floor and into the stairs. Holly shoves down a ref and then of course gets DQ ed right off the bat. In the ring, A-Train hits a Ho Train an a clothesline on JBL. A-Train tries a VaderBomb but eats boot. He no sells but eats a Clothesline from Wall Street and is out as well at 1:03. Show in now and he looks in just awful shape. JBL gets kneed from behind by someone on the apron and walks into a ChokeSlam and now he’s out at 1:24. Cena in now and tries an FU and Show no sells and headbutts him. Brock pounds Cena around with some shoulder surges. He no sells the legendary Cena shoulderblocks like no one’s business but Cena his a chop block and a school boy for 2. Brock aint having that and gets a clothesline and tags in Matt Morgan. Morgan with the generic trifecta of headbutt, right hand and body slam. He completes the cycle with the side slam and tags in Nathan Jones. He whips Cena and hits some CLUBBINGBLOWS and a body slam and tags Brock back in before he destroys the future meal ticket. Cena slides out of a Snake Eyes and hits a Throwback and tags in Benoit. Benoit with some chops and now THIS would have been a phenomenal series. I think feuds with Batista and a longer program with Cena, even Triple H would obviously have been effective, but the matches between Brock and Benoit would have been amazing. Benoit with some kicks and a snap suplex but Brock cuts him off with a flapjack and a clothesline. Show in and the crowd boos the tag. Show with a press slam on Benoit and walks around before dropping him. Show: “KISS MY ASS, ANGLE!” I guess he’s still sorta pissed about that whole tranquilizer harpoon deal. Show goes for a ChokeSlam but Benoit counters to the Fujiwara takedown and floats into the CC! Lesnar breaks it up easily and Show goes to the ab stretch. Show with the leg sling blade for 2. Show tries to bait Kurt Angle into the ring and of course that allows heel chicanery behind the ref’s back. Nice. Cena and Angle hightail it around the ring to protect Benoit from further punishment to a pop.

• The faces and heels brawl on the floor before the ref separates them. Morgan in and chokes Benoit. Benoit ducks a big boot and hits a couple of dropkicks and tags in Angle. Angle with the Rolling Germans. Jones in and out quickly. Lesnar in and goes for the F5 but Angle slides out and catches him in the Rolling Germans as well. Again, the match breaks down and Morgan accidentally clotheslines Jones and Angle dumps him. Angle with the AngleSlam and Morgan is out at 9:40. Jones in but Show clotheslines him and Angle tosses him. Angle drops the straps and hooks in the AnkleLock. Jones taps at 10:10. Lesnar in and hits the F5 and Angle’s out at 10:19. Benoit in and boots around Lesnar. Lesnar goes for a charge but Benoit moves and Lesnar eats ringpost. Benoit rams his arm into the turnbuckle (not ringpost) a few times in a brilliant strategic move that I never see. Benoit then whips him SHOULDER FIRST into the ringpost. Brock goes for the F5 but Benoit slides out by attacking THE BAD SHOULDER! Benoit hooks in the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! Lesnar counters to a roll up and Benoit goes back to the hold but Brock’s in the ropes. Brock tries to shove his way free and AGAIN Benoit hooks it in and Brock taps at 12:28. Man, that was exquisite. Now, I just need a time machine, 6 more months of it back in 03 and 3-5 PPV main events and I’m good. Maybe even a triple threat with Angle. Show now breaks up the hold by booting Benoit but the fans deride Lesnar with YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! Benoit clips the knee with a dropkick and heads up top. He hits a top rope shoulderblock but Show kicks out at 2. Benoit goes for the arm but Show shoves him off and hits the ChokeSlam. But Cena had already tagged in on a collision. The ref tries to revive Benoit and Cena waffles Show with the chain and gets him up for the FU and that’s enough to win it at 13:52.

• Ya know, I LOVE this match. If I wanted to hunt for errors, you could easily get into the whole rapid fire eliminations within 30 seconds of each other TWICE but I don’t care right now. I loved Angle and Lesnar despite being easily the biggest stars of the group, NOT winning and instead both losing clean as a sheet, even if in an elimination match and letting Cena of all people emerge as the upper midcard hero inching up the card. To put it another way, disregarding that Cena and Rock are teaming together, what would be the odds that if Orton and Cena were in a SS match this year that any face other than both of them is the final survivor? 1,000-1? 1,000,000 to 1? Could anybody picture Cena losing to a Mark Henry World’s Strongest Slam and Orton falling to the Zig Zag only for Kofi Kingston to be the final survivor after pinning Dolph and Henry in succession? Me neither. ***3/4

• Meanwhile, Vince checks on Shane and he talks about the “irony” of father and son facing brother and brother. Who knew the Civil War was ironic? Shane tells him to take a hike and Austin runs into Vince and stares him down. Austin then laughs at Vince who uncomfortably joins in not sensing the full “irony” of the situation.

• WWE Women’s Championship: Lita vs. Molly Holly (c). JR: “Lita may leave Dallas tonight as the women’s champion or it may end like a sad country song. Ya never know.” King who’s normally got Tourette’s when it comes to divas is silent for a good 45 seconds after that doozy from JR. JR: “Molly’s a two time women’s champion. Molly’s attitude has changed. She’s no longer sweeter than granny’s apple butter, I’ll tell ya.” King: “Did you say she’s a two timer? . . . Got some raging hormones in that ring, JR!” JR: “I don’t know that Molly’s ever been a one-timer. Only speculation.” Great, just what you wanted: JR investigating which divas are virgins.

• Crowd chants for Lita because she’s returning from a broken neck. She gets a hip toss for 1 and a monkey flip. Molly stands there as Lita baseball slides right past her and then pulls her to the floor in a spot that almost exposed the business. If Tim Woods can run away from a plane crash with a broken neck to avoid being seen with heels, these two can do a better baseball slide. Back in, Lita with some knees and a vertical suplex. She kips up and tries an Anti-Newtonian rana out of the corner and Molly throws her to the floor. King plugs Lita’s book and her Mexican “training sessions” but apparently is aware of what the hell is in it. JR: “Some of the things she did to get here in the WWE were… well…” King: “Did she tell all that in the book?” JR: “I wouldn’t want my daughter doing some of those things, but it’s all a personal choice.” There you have it. According to Professor Jim Ross Augustus S. F. X. Van Dusen, Ph.D., LL.D., F.R.S., M.D., M.D.S. , Molly’s a virgin and Lita’s a slut. Molly with a neckbreaker for 2 and goes to the anchor hold. Lita escapes and Molly switches to a Dragon Sleeper but then just switches to a reverse front facelock. Lita knees her way free and that goes nowhere. Molly with a handspring back elbow. JR: “SHADES OF MUTA!” Molly chokes in the corner now with the boot but Lita raises herself up to the top rope and gets a crossbody for 2. Lita with a running clothesline and mounts in the corner for the punches. She then gets a school girl for 2. Molly with a sideslam for 2. Molly: “I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S BOSS! DON’T MESS WITH ME!” Lita with a powerbomb out of the corner for 2. They exchange some weak stuff until Lita gets a Russian legsweep and heads up top for a moonsault. She whiffs and now Molly’s going up top. Molly with a nice flip splash senton but Lita kicks out at 2. Molly spazzes out and takes off a turnbuckle pad. Lita with a school girl for another 2 but Molly drop toe holds her into it IN FRONT OF THE REF and covers for the 3 at 6:48. You put over the returning hero angle and go through all those falses and then DON’T change the title in a meaningless division? Yeah, sounds about right. *

• Ambulance Match: Shane McMahon vs. Kane. This was another one of those “take a heel we’ve gotten over and pushed significantly and put him in a blood feud with Shane so he can have a crazy hardcore match and hit some high spots.” Few disclaimers to that context I just gave. You may be saying, “Since when was Kane over in 2003?” Even though Trips had beaten him to squash the IC title back in 02, Kane still had a lot of heat after unmasking in mid 03. They repackaged him yet again and played up his insanity over being unleashed and horrified by his own looks. They walked him out to the ring in a straitjacket and had orderlies nearby if necessary to restrain him. Other his original debut in 97, this time period is right up there with with 2010 and his promos after turning on UT as one of his most over periods as a heel. But, in my opinion, a lot of that was squandered after a feud where Kane sells way too much and is put into idiotic feuds as is usually the case for him.

• The package for this is the height of gothic overkill. It’s set to “O Fortuna” and includes Kane powerbombing Linda McMahon, electrocuting Shane-o-Mac’s balls with jumper cables and Shane wrecking Kane in a limo into a tractor trailer and shoving him into a pit of fire.

• Shane Cactus clotheslines Kane over the top and both go to the floor. Kane sends him into the stairs and then picks them up. Shane chairshots them back into Kane who gets pinned up them. Shane then pounds the stairs apparently down onto them, but from the rear camera angle it’s obvious due to their shape that the stairs aren’t even making contact. Shane takes out his frustration on the SAT and waffles Kane with a TV monitor. Shane climbs up top and hits the top rope elbow through the SAT on Kane. Kane no sells and Shane hops the barricade and is clearly setting a trap. Shane waves Kane over toward the entrance and to the back as they take the long way. Kane comes up from behind and blasts him a few times with the Kendo stick. Shane now hops in a SVU and back rams Kane into a tollbooth or something but the camera angles hide the impact. Shane gets a walkie talkie. Shane: “SEND IT! SEND IT!” JR: “Send what?” An ambulance is the answer. Kane pulls out the stretcher and puts Kane on it. He no sells and throws Shane into the wall a few times. Kane throws him into a laundry basket and AGAIN the tape cuts out. We’re back with Kane still throwing him around. In the arena, Kane throws him into the ambulance’s grill. Shane counters by ramming him into the ambulance now and then slamming the door onto him. Kane no sells and big boots him. Kane throws him into the ambulance and looks to win but Shane boots the door back. He looks to do a tornado DDT off the door but then botches it and instead hits a slow Maivia hurricane on the floor. Shane gets a trash can out of a roadie trunk. He then sets a cardboard box between Kane’s legs and the trash can on his chest. Shane with the pseudo Van Terminator off the top and using the box to cushion his fall. Shane tries to shove him in the back but Kane pulls him in as well. They both walk out and Kane rams him into the side of the ambulance a few times. Kane then rams him like a javelin into the ambulance. Kane with the throat slash and gives Shane a Tombstone on the floor. OK, that HAS to be it. Kane throws him in the back and shuts the door at 13:34. How exactly do you rate this? Risky spots? Check. Heavy dose of surreality? Check. Wandering brawl style patented by Shane Douglas among others? Check. **1/2 but you know what you’re getting here even if this is not even close to Shane-Angle.

• Next, Josh Matthews is with Brock. Brock is pissed. He says he DIDN’T tap out and DIDN’T lose. He looks off camera to someone and says, “What the hell do you want?” It’s GOLDBERG! Crowd pops for that reveal. Goldberg says his name and then jokes that Brock should wish him luck tonight. WWE is always gold about that kind of momentary introduction that leads to a WM match.

• Coach is out next. JR: “This is a guy who should volunteer for enema research.” Coach is Bischoff’s stooge at this point and basically assistant GM, a position that would also be occupied by Johnny Nitro, Val Venus (Chief Morley), Just Joe and some others. Coach says he’ll recover soon enough from taking a 3D from the Dudleyz. Coach walks over and wants to interview Mark Cuban who is in the front row. Cuban says he’s looking forward to seeing Stone Cold kicking Bischoff’s ass. Coach no sells the answer and asks Cuban whether he prefers NBA or wrestling refs. Cuban says neither but Bischoff is out now and he takes the stick. Bischoff calls out Cuban. They get into a shoving match and Cuban wins that one but Orton is out to RKO Cuban from behind.

• Meanwhile, Evolution is in the back partying. Naitch wants to offer a toast to Triple H and all of the attractive ladies. Orton comes in and a few of them pinch his nipples because…? Exactly. He conveys the good news about Cuban and then they all predict good things tonight for Evolution in their matches. Effective segment.

• WWE Tag Team Championship: Los Guerreros vs. The Bashams (c). Taz: “I’m really digging the new attire by the Bashams. I’m guessing it’s a leather corset with spikes and handcuffs on the back.” Brawl to start and the Guerreros clear the ring easily. Bashams send them into the barricade on the floor and then isolate Chavo back in the ring. Chavo with a back elbow and tags in Eddie. Eddie with a dropkick and stomps a mudhole in the corner. Eddie’s fired up and the crowd pops for his taunt. Eddie goes to the Three Amigos and covers but Doug breaks it up at 2. Chavo in with a basement dropkick for 2. Eddie back in with the slingshot senton for 2. Eddie knucklelocks one of the Bashams and runs up the ropes. The other comes in to make the save but both end up eating a double headscissors from Eddie off the top. The Bashams no sell and flapjack him into the ropes. Cole: “CLASSIC BASHAM DOUBLETEAM!” Danny catapults Eddie over the top and Shaniqua clotheslines him behind the ref’s back. Back in, The Bashams hit a rebound suplex off the ropes for 2. Doug goes to a “lazy” Steiner Recliner. Eddie escapes and gets another headscissors and tags in Chavo. Chavo with shoulderblocks and clotheslines on both. Chavo with a tiltawhirl slam for 2. Chavo gets a head of steam but runs into a double flapjack. Cole: “THE BASHAMS ARE VERY IMPRESSIVE!” Taz: “SHADES OF THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS!” I’m not sure but I think Taz and Cole could be a little more excited about the Bashams; after all they have done 2 flapjacks. Eddie interrupts the double team with a dropkick and a top rope rana. Chavo covers but Danny breaks it up. Eddie gets backdropped to the floor. One Basham alley oops Chavo over to the other but he eats a dropkick. Chavo collides with the other on a double clothesline. Double KO spot. Shaniqua distracts the ref and the Bashams trade places. Chavo cleans house anyway including Shaniqua. Eddie heads up top and hits the Frog Splash on Shanique. Big pop for that. Eddie pantomimes that he wants to spank her but the Bashams interrupt that. Chavo hits a swinging DDT but the other Basham sneaks him with a roll up for the 3 at 7:35. Los Guerreros are just gold at everything and the Bashams had the usual gimmick of switching twin partners to get heat. I’m sold. **3/4

• Classic Survivor Series Match: Stone Cold’s Team (The Dudleyz, Booker T, RVD and Shawn Michaels) vs. Bischoff’s Team (Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Scott Steiner and Randy Orton). Bischoff got powerhungry by firing everyone so Linda made Co-GMs with him and Austin. Austin went crazy and starting Stunning the entire roster. Linda said he couldn’t do that anymore unless he was physically provoked. Austin couldn’t handle the stip so Bischoff offered him this match where if Bischoff’s team wins, Austin’s fired and if Austin’s team wins, the physically provoked gimmick is lifted.

• JR is all pissy during the heels’ entrance and says that Orton deserves a “restaurant quality ass whoopin’.” Crowd chants for Austin during the faces’ entrance. Booker pantomimes and tells Mark Henry to shove it up his ass and go to hell. Crowd chants for tables.

• D-Von and Christian to start. They start hammerlocks until D-Von gets a shoulderblock. Christian, the CLB, smacks him to come back and D-Von chokes him. JR calls it “physically testifying.” D-Von with a flying clothesline for 2. RVD in and hits a roundhouse for 2 after flipping out of some stuff in the corner. Jericho in and RVD hits a mule kick and a Northern Lights suplex for 2. Jericho tells him to come on and avoids a sweep and hits an enzuigiri for 2. Scott Steiner in. GETOUTTATHEWAY! He chops RVD and then poses. SITDOWNBOOKERT! King: “When the hospital called earlier, I wanted to mention I’m an organ donor. Do you think Stacy Kiebler needs one?” RVD comes back with a crossbody for 2 and then hits the stepover kick for another 2. Steiner ducks a kick and drops RVD on his head and does some pushups. HUH?! Steiner with another suplex for 2. RVD goes up top but Steiner crotches him and hits a belly to belly suplex off the second turnbuckle for 2. Booker in to reignite their feud from 2 years earlier in WCW. Steiner with a clothesline and drops the kiss the bicep elbow for 2. Booker comes back with a flying burrito as King alludes to Booker’s checkered past in the care of the state. JR is not a fan of hypocrites: “Everyone’s got a past. How about the 94 Survivor Series with your tag team partners Wink, Stink and Pink or Sleazy, Greasy, and Easy?” King: “ALRIGHT, JR, LET’S JUST CALL THE MATCH!” Booker with the Ax Kick and wants the Spinaroonie. The heels come in to cut him off but Booker hits the spinebuster anyway and they break up the cover. The whole match breaks down and they brawl to the floor. Steiner with a low blow on Book behind the ref’s back and hooks in the Recliner. Stacey gets on the apron to distract because she’s no fan of Steiner’s. The Dudleyz grab Steiner from behind and hit the combo neckbreaker/back suplex. Book finishes him off with the End and Steiner’s out at 7:29.

• Henry now in with Booker and quickly takes him out with the World’s Strongest Slam at 7:41.

• RVD in but eats a clothesline from Henry. Bubba blind tags in with some rights but eats Ho Train from Henry. Henry chokes and then whips him into the corner and Bubba is bumping like hell for Henry. Henry no sells a clothesline and D-Von comes in for a double team. They try a double whip and Henry no sells that and gives them the nogginknocker. Henry with another clothesline and tries another Ho Train but whiffs. The Dudleyz hit the 3D and clear the apron of the heels. RVD with the 5SFS on Henry as well and all 3 pin him to eliminate Mizark at 10:04.

• Good showing for Henry even in defeat. Jericho and RVD now. RVD teases the crossbody and then instead hits the split-leg moonsault for 2. Jericho gouges the eye to come back and tags in Orton. Orton with a flurry of CLUBBINGBLOWS. RVD tries an up and over but eats a clothesline. Orton runs into a boot in the corner and a springboard back kick and then a Rolling Thunder. RVD heads up top but the ref is distracted and Jericho knocks him off and into an RKO. RVD is out at 11:06.

• D-Von in with a backdrop and the Atomic Legdrop for 2. D-Von with a sideslam and the crowd wants tables. D-Von with a diving headbutt for 2. Jericho with a blind tag but eats a shoulderblock from D-Von. Jericho gets the boot up in the corner and hits a missile dropkick but Bubba breaks it up. Everything is just so smooth and in rhythm so far. Jericho whiffs on a charge in the corner and D-Von covers off a shoulderblock but Christian distracts the ref. That allows Jericho to hit the sleeper neckbreaker and D-Von’s out at 12:48.

• Bubba now in with Jericho. Bubba runs into a boot in the corner but comes back with a sideslam out of the corner for 2. HBK in now to a big pop. HBK gets the boot up in the corner and mounts for the rights. Christian tries to attack but eats an ax handle. That allows Jericho to knock him down. Orton in for a double shoulderblock for 2. HBK ties up in the ropes to avoid an Orton dropkick. Crowd claps big time for HBK. Christian in and HBK makes the tag to Bubba. He has clotheslines for everyone and hotshots Christian and backdrops him. He covers but Orton breaks it up. Bubba with a Samoan drop and the jabs on Christian. He wants the BubbaBomb on Jericho but he goes low and Christian takes him out with the Unprettier at 15:52. Another good logical sequence where Bubba couldn’t overcome the numbers game.

• We’re now down to HBK by himself vs. Jericho, Christian and Orton. Jericho chokes him but HBK comes back with a flying burrito, kip up, atomic drop and knocks down all of them. HBK gets a head of steam but Jericho low bridges him and the heels put the boots to him while Christian distracts the ref. Orton in for nothing so Christian back in. Christian smacks him around and HBK hits some chops on him. Jericho tries pulling him to the floor for damage. HBK fights back but Christian has enough time to catapult HBK into the ringspot and he blades. Austin shouts on encouragement and HOLY SHIT, THAT’S A MAJOR GUSHER! Christian suplexes him back in for 2. Christian steals HBK’s taunt to big boos. That seems a bit premature. He’s hardly done enough damage to store up 2 Unprettiers. Christian tries an Unprettier but HBK shoves him away. Christian runs toward him right into a SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Christian’s out at 19:30.

• Jericho now and HBK’s a bloody mess. Crowd chants for HBK as he takes some right hands from Jericho. Jericho whips him into the corner for the HBK flop. He hits a clothesline for 2. Orton back in and chokes. Orton: “BREATHE! BREATHE! YOUSONOFABITCH!” HBK tries a sleeper but Orton counters to a back suplex for 2. Jericho back in and tries a crossbody but HBK gets a boot and a DDT for 2 but Orton breaks it up. Orton gets shitcanned but Jericho hits a bulldog and wants the Lionsault. HBK gets the knees up! Double KO spot. Stone Cold shouts on encouragement. HBK staggers his way to his feet. Jericho ducks a SCM and goes for the Walls but HBK gets a fluke small package for the 3 at 22:56.

• We’re now down to Orton-HBK and Jericho nor Bischoff can believe it. Jericho gets a chair and waffles HBK with it and then flips off Austin. I LOVE the dejected heel beatdown in a elimination match while it’s still going. Miraculously easy and effective heel heat. JR: “You no good piece of garbage.” Orton crawls in and drapes the arm but HBK kicks out at 2.999! Orton heads up top for a crossbody. HBK ducks but the ref eats it. Crowd chants for Austin to do something. HBK pulls himself to his feet and tunes up the band. Bischoff crawls in to give him a low blow. YOUSONOFABITCH! That’s all Austin needed to jump in and pound down Bischoff. STUNNER TO ORTON! Austin beats Bischoff down the aisle and up the entranceway. HBK goes to drape the arm but Batista is in! Batista DESTROYS him with the DemonBomb. Orton covers and gets the 3 at 26:29. Big time downer ending for that one in terms of crowd energy but just a great match with every interaction being interesting and well-worked. Even the Steiner-RVD exchange was entertaining due to their spots and personalities. Though the honors have to go to HBK for one of my favorite unsung performances of his. Somehow, it’s even better because it’s in defeat which rarely happens for him. ****1/2

• Post-match, Austin picks up HBK but doesn’t Stun him. Instead, HBK seems more distraught than Stone Cold does. They shake hands out of mutual respect. They leave and then Stone Cold comes back out as they are giving this the hard sell for being it for Stone Cold’s career. Stone Cold says he started right here in Dallas and he wants to thank everyone. Coach comes out flanked by security guards one of whom looks like Mason Ryan minus 6 inches and 75 lbs. Coach tries to rub it in and instead Austin clears the ring and then Stuns Coach. This went on for about 10 minutes which was too long.

• Buried Alive Match: Vince McMahon vs. The Undertaker. Lesnar beat UT in a biker chain match after Vince interferred and helped Brock. Vince says he’s been chosen to “slaughter the infidel” and bury the Undertaker alive. The video package includes footage from as far back as 1991 trying to make it seem as a match a decade+ in the making. Cole and Taz give this the hard sell by saying that it took over 6 dump trucks to bring in over 90 yards of dirt. Well, there ya go. Here are Taz’s keys to victory for UT: “1. Oh, those evil submissions. 2. Home field advantage. 3. Match experience.” I hope I don’t need to bring up UT’s actual record in buried alive matches due to Vince Russo’s fetish for booking guys in gimmick themed specialty matches and then making them lose. 3 more for Vince: “1. Mental stability. 2. InVINCEable confidence. 3. Avoid the HOLE!” I’d say Taz is spot on here.

• Vince prays to start because he believes he has God on his side in taking down UT. UT with a soup bone to end that gesture and Vince blades on the right hand off the bat. UT with a big flurry of rights and boots in the corner. More rights from UT and Vince is punch drunk and has a steady crimson mask already. UT crotches him on the ringpost and then wraps the leg around it. Vince’s blood starts rolling up his head and back through his hair. UT now crotches him on the opposite ringpost and wraps another leg. UT sends him into the announce table and he gushes all over that. UT chokes him with a camera cable and then waffles him with a TV monitor. UT: “We’re just getting started.” UT treks up to the gravesite and steals the aluminum shovel. UT just BLASTS him right across the face with the shovel. That was sick. UT just laid him into at full speed with no hesitation. UT now props Vince’s leg on the bottom stairs and drives the top half down on it. Brutal. Next to Vince is a couple of pools of blood. U throws him over the shoulder and walks him up to the gravesite for the academic victory. Vince throws some dirt in UT’s eyes and gives him a low blow. Vince now gets a different shovel and hits UT in the chest with it and UT falls in. UT no sells and pulls Vince in instead. UT tries to hop in the back hoe but some pyro goes off and KANE HAS COME OUT! Kane knocks UT in the grave and helps Vince to his feet and UT is buried alive at 12:00. Watching Vince get his ass kicked is always nice therapy for WWE woes, but that’s about it here. He takes a manly blade job and gets squashed big time. *1/2

• Kane then gets down on all fours to do the Vulcan mind meld with the dirt and the grave to steal UT’s memories. We segue over to Cole and Taz and HOLY SHIT, the announce table is COVERED in blood. Overall, that might be 0.9 Muta. Shawn looked bloodier in the last match but Vince got his blood all over the place so he might win bladejob of the night.

• World Heavyweight Championship: Triple H vs. Goldberg (c). Goldberg won the belt at Unforgiven and then they had this GREAT storyline where Triple H put out a bounty on Goldberg and the entire locker room was gunning for him. Simple, deliberate, old school angle that was just beautiful. Everyone took their shot and Goldberg shook off most of it until Batista returned and Pillmanized him. This is also when Trips was wearing the ½ length tweener pants/trunks and no beard. Bad look for him.