Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Money in the Bank 2010

• Relevant Storylines: Kane remembers that he’s only held a world title for one day. Show brings his own personal ladder. Randy Orton doesn’t like ladder bumps. And Arn Anderson cuts a great promo to motivate Sheamus.

• WWE Diva’s Championship: Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox (c). Fox faked an injury during the previous title defense to set up this rematch. Lock up goes nowhere. They work it for a while until Eve armdrags her over. Eve with a shoulderblock for 1. Eve gets a roll up for 1. Eve with dropkick and a flying burrito in the corner and Fox botches the bump. Fox sends her across but eats a back elbow. Eve goes for a tornado DDT but Fox counters to a trip off the top and Eve powders out. Fox rams Eve into the apron and then pulls her back into the ring by her hair. Cover gets 2. Fox with more hairpulling and LIVERSHOTS on Eve. Fox hooks in the backbreaker submission. Eve tries countering out with a knee but eats a backbreaker and back to the submission. Fox with a tiltawhirl backbreaker for 2. Fox goes to the anchor hold. Eve flips out and monkey flips Fox over. Eve with a crossbody for 1. Eve with a pair of dropkicks. Eve tries a vertical suplex but her back gives out and instead gives her a knee to the throat. Standing moonsault gets 2 for Eve. Eve with a springboard kick to Fox. Eve tries a somersault legdrop off the second rope but eats knee. Fox with a stiff ax kick and that’s enough to retain at 5:53. Not bad. Psychology, selling, and a logical finish. *3/4

• Meanwhile, we get footage of Swagger and his father attacking Kane until Mysterio makes the save. Kane then gives Swagger’s father the ChokeSlam and Swagger lets it happen. Swagger is in the back on the horn and talking shit to his mom and blames his dad for trying to steal his spotlight.

• WWE Unified Tag Team Championship: The Usos vs. The Hart Dynasty (c). DH and Jey trade waistlocks. DH with the armdrag takeover and goes to the armbar resthold. DH works the armwringer and gets a powerslam for 2. Tyson with a blind tag. DH hiptosses him onto Jey’s shoulders and then Tyson hits the Frankensteiner. Nice. DH back in and puts the boots to Jey. Jey with a takedown and tags in Jimmy who goes to work on DH with boots. Cover gets 2. Jey in and with the hard whip Runaway Samoan Semi on DH. Cover gets nothing as he’s in the ropes. Jae gets a head of steam but is backdropped by DH. Jimmy in and cuts off the hot tag. Jimmy with a running headbutt on DH for 2. Jimmy runs into an overhead belly to belly throw from DH. DH makes the hot tag to Tyson and he’s got a spinkick and a basement dropkick for Jey. Tyson with boots in the corner and a troll yell. Tyson kicks Jey and flips to the apron. He tries a reverse sunset flip or something but Jey makes the blind tag to Jimmy. Tyson gets flapjacked into a Samoan drop and Stryker calls it the Alley Oos. Cover gets 2. Jimmy goes up top and goes for the Snuka splash but eats knee. DH tags in with a monster shoulderblock and a troll yell. DH goes for the Sharpshooter. Uso’s sister tries distracting but Natalya gives her a bodyslam on the floor. DH goes back to the Sharpshooter as Tyson hits a plancha on the other Uso and Jimmy taps at 5:54. Basic tag formula on smack to speed it up. Serviceable enough and I’m digging the clean finishes tonight. **

• World Heavyweight Championship: Jack Swagger vs. Rey Mysterio (c). Mysterio pinned Swagger at F4W after Kane took out Punk. Swagger unleashed his revenge by going after Show’s and Mysterio’s ankle and so now Mysterio has a “torn ligament.” The great thing about this package is it gives even more credibility to the psychology on Show’s leg during the SD MITB, gives a lot of sympathy for Mysterio, and makes Swagger look like a legit badass, something he hasn’t looked like in MONTHS.

• Swagger tries to shoot for the single leg but Mysterio manages to avoid. Off a collar and elbow tie up, Swagger picks Mysterio up and rams him into the corner. The ref demands a break and Swagger gives him a shove and Mysterio shoves back. Swagger goes for the leg but gets kicked off by Mysterio. Mysterio tries to baseball slide but Swagger catches him by the ankle. He rolls him over but Mysterio kicks him in the back of the head to escape. Awesome cat and mouse game early. Swagger rushes forward but Mysterio clips the knee to set up 619. Swagger gets up but runs into some kicks from Mysterio. Mysterio tries a Lionsault but Swagger catches him and hooks him in the Tree of Woe in the corner. Swagger tries a charge but Mysterio sits up on it. Swagger eats turnbuckle and rolls to the floor. Mysterio heads up top and hits a seated senton to the floor. Mysterio favoring the leg. Back in, Mysterio heads up top but Swagger cuts him off with the popup belly to belly throw off the top. Swagger drops an elbow on the knee and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL. Subtle “let’s go Swagger” chant gets going. Mysterio slides to the outside and Swagger follows. He sends Mysterio into the announce table and then stands on his ankle. Back in, cover gets 2. Swagger goes to a kneebar/half crab type submission. Mysterio kicks him off and gets a head of steam but runs into a flapjack Samoan drop that Swagger sorta botches. That’s unfortunate. Cover gets 2. Swagger tosses Mysterio across the ring and postures to boos. Swagger tries the VaderBomb but whiffs. Mysterio with another seated senton off the top. Mysterio runs off but Swagger counters by going after the knee and Mysterio no sells. What the hell? Mysterio comes out of the corner and headscissors Swagger into the second turnbuckle. Mysterio heads up top and hits a split leg moonsault but Swagger kicks out at 2. Mysterio goes off the ropes but jumps into a wheelbarrow suplex from Swagger for 2. Mysterio with another fucking headscissors but Swagger counters into a gutwrench powerbomb. Cover gets nothing as Rey gets his feet on the ropes. Mysterio tries up and over and lands on Swagger’s shoulders. Mysterio ranas him into the second turnbuckle AGAIN and Swagger eats post. Swagger recovers and tries to give Mysterio a Bulldog powerslam off the 2nd rope but Mysterio counters to a super tornado DDT. Cover gets 2. It’s been a while since Rey favored the leg. Mysterio double ax handles him into the second rope, hits the 619 and goes for the seated senton. Swagger catches him and turns it into the anklelock. Mysterio gets the ropes quickly and the ref demands a break. Swagger hits the VaderBomb and another. Swagger starts booting the ankle again and tries the ankelock again. Mysterio loosens the boot to escape and hits a huracarana into a pin and gets the 3 at 10:43. The first few minutes were fucking superb but as the match progressed Rey seemed to forget about the ankle just to hit his signature spots. It had the potential to be so much more but it’s still good. ***1/4

• Post-match, King tells Stryker to get use to the reign of Rey Mysterio. Cole speculates that Mysterio might have done a subtle heel thing by removing the boot to avoid the anklelock. Swagger jumps him and puts the boots to him and applies the anklelock to the bad ankle. Kane comes out to make the save to a pop and pounds Swagger up the ramp and to the back. Play his music. BUT WAIT! Kane has come back out with the MITB briefcase and Charles Robinson and he’s looking to cash it in right now. But there was a ref already out there? Could it be the long anticipated return of evil Little Naitch?! Alas, no.

• World Heavyweight Championship: Kane vs. Rey Mysterio (c). Kane moves in early to jump Mysterio but he limps out of the way. Kane grabs him by the ankle and rams it into the ring. Kane goozles him and hits the ChokeSlam. Kane hits the Tombstone and it’s ball game at :54. This is one of those obvious storytelling turns that everyone saw coming at some point using the MITB but still a cool moment especially if you’re a Kane fan because his first reign was that one night mulligan to interrupt Austin’s run. DUD.

• In the back, Edge looks on and Jericho tries to sneak up on him but Edge sees him. Edge says he has eyes in the back of his head, but he’s a desperate man. He wants to be champion and tonight he’s winning the MITB briefcase for the third time and becoming the champion. Jericho says he’s even more desperate because he’s never won a MITB. They continue to fight over the last word and the catchphrase like Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Jack Nicholson. Last word freaks.

• WWE Women’s Championship: Kelly Kelly vs. Layla (c). Cole says that KK has been on a “good little run lately.” That would seem significant but the only video evidence of this run we get is her getting piefaced by LayCool backstage at Smackdown. Not exactly what I was expecting. Layla shoves in the corner and KK comes back with a Thesz press and some hair pulling. KK gets a kick and some horrid smacks. She screams a lot as she whiffs on a handspring back elbow. She still manages to get the boot up on Layla and get a victory roll for 2. KK boots her to the floor. Layla does the Finlay apron trip and KK conveniently walks right into it despite seeing it coming. Cover gets 1. Layla with more boots as KK screams more more. Layla wraps the knee around the rope. Layla baseball slides KK into McCool accidentally. Layla sends her into the apron as McCool works her over behind the ref’s back. KK no sells and shoves her into the crowd. KK with more indiscriminate screaming and clotheslines. KK rolls her up for a 1 count. That’s twice they have botched nearfalls. King calls this an “action packed match” as the fans chant for Daniel Bryan. KK hits a short arm Rocker Dropper. Stryker says that she’s used this to defeat many. Cover gets nothing as her feet are under the ropes. KK and Tiffany jump McCool on the outside. KK tries a sunset flip but Layla sits down on it for the 3 to retain at 3:58. Did we really need two women’s title matches? The other one is Rogers-O’Connor compared to this charade. -*

• Meanwhile, we get a recap of the first MITB match tonight, in case you changed channels during the middle of a fucking PPV.

• RAW Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Randy Orton vs. The Miz vs. Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne vs. Edge. Man, how far has Dibiase fallen in a year? He went from Legacy to a breakout feud with Orton that never happened to having the MD belt, Maryse, and a feud with Goldust to…? Exactly. Pretty soon, people will start to misremember that he was in Spirit Squad or was one of the knights at 93 Survivor Series. King says that he doesn’t think Maryse will be much help in this match and Stryker tells him to never count out a blonde. This was a week after Orton hit an RKO on Bourne trying the SSP in mid move.

• Edge slides a ladder in during his entrance and here we go. Edge slides back to the outside to let the carnage ensue without him. Everyone goes for the ladder and then tries to jump Henry. He fights them all off with headbutts until Evan Bourne clips his knee. Miz with his clothesline in the corner and a Bourne yakuza kick in the corner on Henry. Now that the others have fought to the outside. Edge slides in and tries to climb up. Orton pulls him off and rams him into the ladder and kicks Edge to the floor. Orton follows and works him over with GnP. Back in, Dibiase tries to ram Morrison with the ladder but Morrison ducks and gives him a roundhouse instead. Dibiase responds by giving him a clothesline onto the ladder. Orton tries coming in but gets rammed by Dibiase with a ladder. Bourne in and dropkicks the ladder into Dibiase but Miz rams him into the ladder as well and shitcans him. Jericho in and sets up a ladder in the corner. Henry in and he throws a ladder at Miz and Jericho. Henry gives Miz the suicide Bossman attack only to eat a ladder shot from Jericho. Jericho and Evan Bourne slug it out. EB avoids and gives Jericho an enzuiguri. Bourne tries to climb but Edge is in. Bourne counters to a Frankensteiner but Orton is in and gives EB the apron DDT except through the ladder. Morrison in and he gives Orton a springboard gamengiri. Dibiase is about to get suplexed by Bourne but Miz in to make the save. Stryker speculates that maybe Dibiase used his trust fund and bribed some of the competitors to help me out. That kind of character-driven color commentary is old school and such a great touch. Morrison fights back and flapjacks Miz into a ladder in the corner and drop toe holds Dibiase into one. Edge and Morrison climb the ladder in unison. Jericho sets up another ladder an climbs and Orton joins him. They all four get close until Henry gets in the ring and knocks over both ladders. Cool spot.

• Bourne springboards from the apron with a ladder and rams Henry with it. Maryse gets in the match to seize the opportunity with no one else around. She sets up a ladder and climbs up but Morrison is in. He fireman’s carries her off and tells her to get to the back. Dibiase is in and tries to sneak up the ladder but Morrison sees him. Dibiase gives him a double ax handle and then tries to ram the ladder onto him but Morrison pulls him to the floor and rams her into the barricade. Miz cuts him off and slams Morrison with the ladder. Miz props a ladder against the ringpost in the corner. Miz tries to catapult Morrison into the ladder but Morrison lands safely and kicks Miz off him. He runs up that ladder to the top turnbuckle and then rides another ladder onto the Tommy Dreamer ladder in the middle of the ring to arrive at the same time as Edge climbs up. Very cool. Edge pulls Morrison through the ladder and bridges him between the rungs. I have no idea what they are planning but looks pretty brutal. Edge slides a ladder through and gets Miz to help him ram the ladder on the bridged Morrison. Edge then turns on Miz and shoves the ladder back into him. Another great spot. Edge then shoves the ladder over with Morrison caught in it. Holy shit. Dibiase in and gives Edge a few gutshots with a ladder. Dibiase sets a ladder upside down. Jericho tries coming in but Dibiase cuts him off and grabs another ladder and wedges it against the upside down ladder. Dibiase tries climbing the upright ladder but Henry in. Dibiase tries splashing off the ladder but Henry catches him and gives him the World’s Strongest Slam. Jericho in with a step ladder but eats it coming back at him. Henry press slams Miz onto Jericho and the ladder. Henry tries to climb but Bourne jumps him from behind. Bourne leap frogs him but Orton and Edge in to cut off both and pull them off. They slam Bourne to the outside who gets caught by Henry and World’s Strongest Slammed onto the floor.

• Henry is a force so the others team up to take him out. Morrison gives him the gamengiri and Jericho gives him the Codebreaker and Edge slides out to give Henry the Spear. Orton hasn’t done much this match. That doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things but Orton hasn’t done shit other than take a couple of regular bumps and sell them for like half an hour on the floor. Miz, Jericho, Morrison, Orton, Dibiase and Edge are all in and trying to climb the ladders. Dibiase slides to the floor and bridges a ladder across the top rope and the main ladder. Dibiase pulls Jericho onto the bridged ladder and knocks off some others. Rated RKO pull Dibiase down and pound him some and then roll him and his ladder to the floor. Orton gives Edge the RKO only to eat a Batista kick from Jericho. Jericho and Morrison both up and close to the briefcase. Morrison smacks Jericho off but he’s caught in a pseudo Tree of Woe. Orton in to stop Morrison and gives him the RKO but Bourne is in and gives him the SSP. Bourne climbs up and Jericho recovers to climb as well. Jericho cuts him off and they slug it out. Jericho rams the briefcase back into Bourne and he eats it down to the floor. DOWN GOES BOURNE! DOWN GOES BOURNE! Edge up and he and Jericho brawl on the ladders. Edge rams him back into the ladder and Orton catches him and gives him an RKO on the way down. Orton shoves Edge off and into the upside down ladder. OOO FUCK. Orton climbs up to a rising crescendo of crowd noise but Miz shoves the ladder over and Orton is out. Miz climbs up top and grabs the briefcase to win it at 20:27. Post-match, Miz looks on the verge of tears. He gets on the stick and says everyone is living in his moment. “Call it overrated or created – call it however you want to call it. Me winning this Money in the Bank contract means I MADE IT! I MADE IT! I made believers out of all your cynics, out of all you skeptics, out of all you pretenders, out of all you critics! Get a good long look at the man with the briefcase. I AM MR. MONEY IN THE BACK! I AM A FUTURE WWE CHAMPION! ME! ME!! Because I’m the Miz and I’m awesome. AWESOME!”

• Another very good, back and forth ladder match. I don’t feel like it had as strong a story as the first one, but the spots were a little better and it had a better pace so it’s a wash. If we’re just talking match, I’ll give the edge to the first one but Miz’s post-match promo is epic worked shoot stuff that you can tell plays on a lot of genuine emotion for him and rightly so. We’ll call it even. ****1/4

• Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Sheamus (c). Nexus interfered last month and Sheamus was able to sneak the pin to get the strap. This is a cage match which in theory would eliminate interference but we both know better than that. Cena actually asked Sheamus for his help during the feud in order to unite against Nexus that had taken out Steamboat, Bret Hart, and Vince McMahon. Sheamus told him to go to hell but then reluctantly somewhat came around after Nexus got in Sheamus’s business. The video package edits the weeks that went into this into a beautifully cohesive narrative that is actually much more satisfactory than the inconsistent Nexus buildup. Justin Roberts interrupts the hokey, ominous cage music while the appartus is still lowering. That son of a BITCH. Cole talks about how there are differences in a cage match like “depth perception,” which I’m sure is the case when trying to solve the Black Scorpion’s optical illusions but not so much here. King talks about the “finality” of cage matches in that no matter what, there will be a winner and there will be a loser, thus setting it apart in no way from regular matches whatsoever.

• Lock up is a stalemate until Sheamus boots Cena. Sheamus tries to ram him into the cage and Cena puts the brakes on and sidesteps back to the neutral corner. Sheamus sneers at him and shakes the cage to get in Cena’s head. I don’t know why but I find that hilarious. Sheamus goes on the offense with the CLUBBINGBLOWS and shoulder surges in the corner. Sheamus with more right hands. He tries a whip but Cena reverses and hits a clothesline. Sheamus cuts him off with a back elbow and sends Cena into the cage. Cover gets 2. Sheamus with a couple of right hands. Cena no sells and gets a double leg and goes to the GnP. Cena sends him into the turnbuckle and then calls the next spot too damn loud and the camera picks it up. Sheamus hears it though and obliges with the called back elbow off a corner whip. Sheamus with a knee lift and rakes Cena across the cage. Sheamus drops a knee but Cena cuts him off with a snap suplex for 2. They slug it out with the boo/yea sequence. Cena hits a shoulderblock and goes for another but Sheamus duck and Cena careens into the cage. Cover gets 2. Sheamus goes to GnP. These guys haven’t done shit. Sheamus with a falling neckbreaker across his knee for 2. Sheamus climbs the cage but Cena is up and grabs his leg to stop him. Cena follows him up to the top rope. Cena gives him a top rope suplex. Cover gets 2. Cena tries an FU but Sheamus counters to a DDT for 2. Sheamus with the Celtic Hammer for 2. I was always a little disappointed growing up when moves had a badass name but they kinda sucked. Imagine my shock when I found out a Bombs Away was a simple knee drop. On cue, just to fuck with Stryker, King dismisses Stryker’s name “Celtic Hammer” for the double ax handle as bullshit. Sheamus with another for 2. Sheamus goes for another but Cena ducks. Sheamus sends him off and hooks on the sleeper. Stryker mentions that he saw Ziggler talking to Sheamus earlier and perhaps they were discussing the move as strategy to beat Cena. Nice touch. Sheamus hooks on the bodyscissors to go with it.

• Cena does the action hero no sell and stands up out of it and starts to climb the cage with Sheamus on his back. Sheamus says fuck that and just gets off and clips Cena’s knee for a 2 count. Sheamus chokes more and tries to climb again. Cena pulls him off and hangs him out to dry on the top rope. Double KO spot. Cena no sells the exhaustion and hits a pair of shoulderblocks at full speed and a Protobomb. Cena hits the 5KS and goes for the FU but Sheamus grabs the ropes and jimmys up the cage to try to escape. They slug it out on the top rope again. Cena rams him into the cage to knock him off and goes for a top rope 5KS but whiffs. Dueling Let’s Go Sheamus/Cena chants. Sheamus tries to tie him up in the ropes like Andre the Giant. Sheamus hits him with some right hands and Cena’s tied up now. Sheamus hits his taunt and then uses Cena as a stepladder. Sheamus gets the top but Cena frees himself and meets him up there. The slug it out on the top rope for the third time and Cena gives him a facebuster off the top for 2. Cena goes for the FU but Sheamus slides out and counters to the Irish Curse backbreaker. Both are down to sell exhaustion. They both stumble to their feet and Sheamus hits the bicycle kick for a nearfall. Sheamus threatens to climb out but decides against it. As usual, Styker is all over it saying that for Sheamus it’s not about winning but about getting respect from Cena. Unfortunately, instead of respect, he gets an FU but still manages to kick out at 2. Crowd bought that as a finish. BUT NEXUS HAS COME OUT! They have boltcutters but Chioda steals them. Nexus demands the key from Chad Patton. He tosses it halfway into the crowd and they are letting him hear it. Cena goes for another FU but Sheamus slides out. Cena shoves him into the ref and then rolls him into the STF. Sheamus taps but Charles Robinson is out. Cena tries climbing out but Justin Gabriel climbs up from the outside. Cena shoves him off the top and into the ring. Cena keeps trying to climb but the rest of Nexus is stopping him. Sheamus seizes the opportunity to climb up. Slater meets him but Sheamus shoves him and Slater eats it to the floor. Sheamus shoves through Otunga and lands on the floor to win it at 23:00. There’s that finality Lawler was talking about. It’s a shame a good night of wrestling with some awesome spots and clean, decisive endings had to end with such a weak finish. If there’s a such thing as a generic cage match, this is it. The only semblance of story was Sheamus giving up a chance to walk out as champ so he could pin Cena instead, but even that was present for about 30 seconds and was completely negated by the interference. At least Stryker brought his A game on commentary. **1/2

• Post-match, Cole and Lawler are up in arms about how Sheamus “snuck out the back door” and how it’s a travesty because the ref didn’t see the interference so Cena could win or some shit. Cena is pissed and plows through some Nexus members with clotheslines and throws the steel steps at Tarver.