Dark Pegasus Video Review: Jake “the Snake” Roberts: Pick Your Poison DVD

Jake starts out talking about his origins, and I don’t just mean in the sport. His mother was apparently raped by the man who was dating her mother. Jake grew up dirt poor and hating women because he was abandoned by his real mother and humiliated by his stepmother. That led to the dissolution of his marriage (which he didn’t particularly want in the first place, but she was knocked up). Jake’s sister wound up just as psychologically screwed as he was. It led to her marrying a 53 year-old man when she was 18. The man’s ex-wife and an accomplice broke in one day, kidnapped, and killed Jake’s sister.

Easter Egg Alert!: Highlight “Growing Up” and push “RIGHT” twice. You’ll see Jake telling a story about his father selling an injury all the way home and scaring the crap out of Jake.

His dad, Grizzly Smith, called him one day to referee when someone dropped out. At the time, Jake was brought up in kayfabe, so he thought it was all real. He gives us a disturbing look into just what would go through a child’s mind if they weren’t “smartened up” a little. Specifically, he talks about Harley Race breaking his father’s neck, and his father wearing the neckbrace around the house for 6 months to sell the angle. Gene Okerlund recalls that Grizzly Smith screwed around with a lot of the women in wrestling back in the day. Jake says he finally decided to get involved in wrestling because his father called him a gutless coward that would never amount to anything. Jake vowed he would make his father choke on those words.

He wrestled a little bit in a number of territories including Memphis, Florida & Calgary before eventually landing back in Mid-South with Bill Watts. Ted Dibiase remembers meeting Jake in the mid-seventies. Hugo Savinovich talks about all the intangibles Jake had even then. Jim Ross talks about Jake’s psychology. Jake had his arm broken in a match with Ernie Ladd. Bill Watts, caring human being that he was, told Jake to cut the cast off and get back to the ring or else his spot would be gone.

Onto the Mid-Atlantic region. Jake was teamed up with a young Ricky Steamboat. Steamboat says Jake had psychology down to a science.

One of my favorite stories. Jake used to use a kneelift as a finisher. Then, one night in a match with the Grappler (Len Denton), Jake was holding the Grappler in a front facelock. The Grappler started to force Jake into the corner, but he accidentally stepped on Jake’s foot, tripping him up. Voila. The DDT. Bruce Prichard talks about the name “DDT” and how it was based on the poison. Everyone puts over what a great move the DDT is. Jake was paired with Dory Funk Jr. which was like oil and water, frustrating Jake because Dory’s style was so outdated. Jake got a call from the Briscos who invited him to Georgia.

Road Warrior Animal says he roomed with Jake when he was breaking in. He says he saw so much alcohol and so many drugs that he couldn’t stand it after three months. Jake was paired with manager Paul Ellering. Jake won the Television Title and then was knocked out by Ronnie Garvin. Instead of ending Jake’s career, it made Garvin a big star. Business skyrocketed. It ended when Vince McMahon bought the Georgia territory. Jake was NWA 4 Life at that point, so he told Vince where he could stick it.

Back to Watts’ Mid-South. Jake says he knew he was over at the time, but he was always jerking the curtain, so he went to Terry Taylor (who was helping book at the time) and asked him what was what. Taylor, in all seriousness, told him that he was the”#5 babyface.” Jake gave his notice and called Vince. Vince told him to come on up. This is an interesting, truncated version of the story because Jake was battling for the Mid-South North American Title at the time, so it’s hard to think of him as being a disgruntled #5 babyface.

Gene Okerlund says Jake got over because he was such a great communicator. We see an early Jake interview with Damien and a fidgety Okerlund. Gene says the snake-carrying gimmick helped. Vince vaguely claims credit for having Jake take a snake to the ring with him. Jake claims he came up with it in Mid-South, but Bill Watts refused because “it’s not a goddamned circus.”

Jake had a snake. Ricky had a komodo dragon. Naturally, they had to feud. Steamboat talks about how it made the match easier. We see a goofy dueling reptiles segment at the end of a Steamboat/Jake match. Jake talks about the injury Ricky sustained on SNME when Jake DDT’d him on the concrete. Jake says he was against it from the beginning, but Vince was adamant. Ricky told Jake to go ahead, and he’d block it. Of course, he didn’t.

They gave Jake his own interview segment…the Snake Pit. It kept him in the spotlight. Prichard talks about how intense Jake was without raising his voice. We see a number of great Jake-isms. Steamboat talks about how smooth he was on the mic. Okerlund calls him one of the best “stickmen” in sports history.

Jake introduces Honky and Jimmy Hart on a Snake Pit segment. When Honky tries to sing, Jake keeps taunting him with the snake. They were supposed to have a rigged guitar for Honky to hit Jake with, but that wound up not being the case. Jake was knocked silly by the solid guitar, and that was the source of Jake’s ruptured disks. Jake blames that, in part, for his drug addiction. At Mania III, Jake enlisted Alice Cooper to be in his corner. It didn’t help him in the match, but they got to beat up Jimmy Hart. Jake says it’s one of the few times where the heel and babyface changed positions.

Okerlund calls him one of the most visible stars. Ricky says Jake had a nightlife, but he was always ready to go in the ring. Jake talks about his role being to school people and get them ready for a program with Hogan.

Dibiase says working with Jake was so easy. Jake says that if you don’t need a title, don’t use it. He says that there’s a part of him that would have liked to have been WWF Champion, but it’s not a big regret.

Rude’s gimmick was that he would bring in a woman from the crowd to make out with. One night, he unfortunately picks Cheryl Roberts, Jake’s real-life wife. Jake said it was his idea because he wanted her on the road with him. Ross talks about how innovative that was. Prichard says that’s something most men can relate to. Jake says that Rude wearing a picture of Cheryl on his tights was one step too far. (Check out lucha-Heenan’s dive over the top rope!) Jake later says that Cheryl and Rick did not hit the sheets, putting an end to a longstanding RSPW rumor.

From 1996, Jake talks about everyone offering to buy him a drink when he’s out. Everyone says that Jake was a notorious partier. Jake says he can find just about any reason to drink. Jake says he did steroids, crack, cocaine, and the booze. Jake first took a drink at 10, and it was downhill from there. Jake talks about going from “like to” to “want to” to “need to.” He was envious when Hawk, Curt Hennig & Bossman went because he wanted God to take him. Dibiase says it’s just a bunch of excuses when you come down to it. Could you get two more diverse examples of addiction than Jake and Ted?

No one liked Jake’s snake. Jake calls it just another prop. He was scared of them until he realized he could make money off them. Dibiase explains that the WWE would give Jake a snake to tour with, and he’d be responsible for it until he got back.

In one of Jake’s biggest feuds, Jake saves Randy Savage from taking a beatdown from the Giant. Jake says that he finally felt like a top guy when he was in there with Andre. Andre was deathly afraid of snakes, even having a heart attack when confronted by Damien.

Earthquake was another big guy who was afraid of snakes. He actually decides to do something about it, though. In fact, he squashes Damien with the earthquake splash. Savinovich talks about the pain that Jake got across at the loss of Damien.

That led to the introduction of Lucifer. Dibiase talks about being jealous of how easy the psychology came to Jake.

Vince called Jake one day and told him to ask the Ultimate Warrior if they could do a program together. This was an affront to Jake because the Warrior was still looked at as a greenhorn. Jake says Warrior told him he just wanted to make money and started giving him orders. They went through all the effort to come with the stupid vignettes that ran that summer, and then Warrior held Vince up for more money. Vince fired the Warrior right after he got out of the ring and then remarked that Jake had the worst luck.

As a consolation prize, Jake got a run with Randy Savage. He sabotaged Randy & Elizabeth’s wedding with one of his cobras. This was around the time Jake really hit the drugs.

Jake has his own bizarre set of rules. We see Jake letting the cobra feats on Randy Savage’s arm. Hogan says no one could get the snake off him. Even Jake admits he couldn’t pull the snake off him. Dibiase says there’s not enough money to let that happen. This led to Jake threatening to take out Savage or Elizabeth until the Undertaker stopped him. Jake demands to know whose side the Undertaker is on. This set up a program between Jake and the Undertaker, but Jake was already too far gone on drugs to be much use.

Jake says he was promised by Vince that he’d always leave the right way. Jake wanted Pat Patterson’s old job, but Vince told him they wouldn’t hire someone to replace Pat out of respect to Pat. Jake held Vince up for a release so he could go to WCW. Jake said he wouldn’t wrestle Undertaker without it. Jake had a huge contract from Kip Frey to go to WCW, but he had the dreaded 90-day no-compete clause before he could sign it. On the 87th day, Kip Frey was fired and Bill Watts took over WCW. Watts tore up Jake’s lucrative contract. Jake went from $3 million/year to $200,000/year. Oops.

Jake shows up at the Great American Bash and attacks Sting, DDTing him on the steel chair. This led to spin-the-wheel, make-the-deal. JR says he’s disappointed Jake didn’t have an opportunity to make a bigger impact. Jake says his wife gave him an ultimatum: either retire or she was leaving him. Jake retired.

Jake returned to the WWE at the 1996 Royal Rumble. Jake realizes that he was out of shape. He says there’s nothing worse than not being able to go in the ring. We see some vignettes about Jake finding God. I guess God didn’t see him coming first. Jake says it was bad for the character because it softened him. He doesn’t care, though, if it helped someone get on the right track.

As a result of Jake’s religiously-themed promos, newcomer Steve Austin was able to get over with “Austin 3:16.” Jake says he was one of the first to see “it” in Austin. JR says Austin’s win over Jake jumpstarted his career.

On commentary, Lawler started unloading drunk jokes on the recovering Jake Roberts. Their feud grew out of that. Not what I’d call a great feud, but certainly an interesting one. Jake says he was humiliated when Lawler poured whiskey in his face. It got too personal after that. They guys would play tricks on Jake like spiking his Pepsi with whiskey and begging him to have a drink. Finally, the Undertaker came to his rescue and told them to leave Jake alone. Lawler says he didn’t know that Jake had a problem with it.

Jake and his wife started to go through a breakup, leading him to move to a mentor position instead of onscreen talent. When Jake didn’t show up one day, Dibiase went to his room and prayed with him when Jake fell off the wagon. Everything fell apart for Jake.

Prichard talks about “Beyond the Mat” being edited to make it look like a good story. Jake says he was served up on a platter by Terry Funk. Jake says he still hasn’t seen it, but he could guess what it’s like because he wasn’t invited to the premiere. Everyone agrees it was an unfair portrayal. Well, it was certainly a tough portrayal, but it’s not that far from the picture this DVD has been painting.

Jake didn’t really like ECW, but he wanted the money. He took the money for a few seconds work and left.

Off to the UK now, in order to get cleaned up. He’s later arrested for animal cruelty because a woman complained that he “used a 1,200 lb. snake to beat up his opponent.” He returned and got into more trouble earlier this year when he was arrested for drug possession for someone else’s stash.

Earlier this year, Jake was a guest on the Highlight Reel. He says it felt good to be invited back. Jake thinks his job on Earth is not done because he’s still here. Everyone talks about how Jake was able to maintain a high level in the ring and be so screwed up outside. They all still think he has a lot to offer.

Extras:

This is from the Big Event, which was a WrestleMania level show. Jake DDT’d Ricky on the outside to set this up in an angle taken from Mid-South where Jake did the same thing to Terry Taylor. Jake attacks at the bell, but Ricky counters with a backdrop. Ricky goes to work on Jake’s long arms, which nicely neutralizes the DDT too. Jake lures Ricky to the floor and slams him. Ricky wrests a chair away from Jake and hits him over the head with it. A flying chop gets two for Ricky. Back to the arm. Jake reverses a whip, sending Ricky all the way to the floor. A slingshot to the post busts Ricky open. Back in, Jake squats down on Ricky’s shoulders, but Ricky hooks his arms and takes him over for three (10:17). I would have liked to have seen a little more “epic” put into it, but Hogan vs. Orndorff was on the top of the card, so I can see why this was kept short. ***

Jake attacks while Honky is on the apron. He kneelifts Honky to the floor and rips his Elvis suit off him. Honky keeps running away. Jake catches up with him and slams him on the outside. Back in, Jake charges into a knee. Jake reverses a wristlock to a short clothesline. Honky slips out of the DDT and heads to the floor. Jake follows and gets whipped into the railing. Honky gets back in and won’t let Jake get to the ring cleanly. Back in finally, Honky hits the second rope fist drop. Honky sets up for Shake, Rattle, & Roll, but Jake backdrops him over. Honky gets the mounted punches, but Jake counters to an atomic drop. Jake backdrops him and rocks him with a series of punches as Honky gets caught in a convoluted see-saw. Jake goes for the DDT once again, but Jimmy Hart grabs Jake’s ankle. Jake turns to go after Jimmy, enabling Honky to sneak up and schoolboy him with hand on the ropes for the upset win at 7:04. Cooper and Roberts abuse Jimmy Hart as a consolation prize. NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! *3/4

From MSG. First man to get a pin off his finisher wins. Jake unloads on Rude’s arm as the announcers speculate that Cheryl’s presence will be a distraction for Jake. Jake goes for the DDT early, but Rude darts out of the ring. Lord Alfred Hayes explains that the DDT is more powerful because you can always develop your neck muscles to counter the effects of the Rude Awakening, but you can’t develop your forehead. There’s some psychology for you. Speaking of psychology, Rude rakes Jake in the eyes, setting up the story of the match. With his eyes injured from the attack, Jake has trouble seeing for the rest of the match. Of course, he’d take that to an extreme with Rick Rude a few years later. Jake fires away at Rude but gets tied up in the ropes. Rude makes the mistake of going after Cheryl rather than attacking a helpless Jake. After ramming Jake’s shoulder into the ringpost, Rude stops to play to the crowd. Jake elbows out of a chinlock, but Rude immediately hits him with a back elbow. Jake whips Rude into the corner but takes a knee on a charge. Rude sneaks up on a blinded Roberts and snaps his neck off the top rope. He tries to ram Jake’s shoulder into the post, but Jake turns the tables. Back in, a fired up Jake snaps off a few jabs and delivers a stomach breaker. Rude tries to escape, but Jake pulls his trunks down and pulls him back in. Short arm clothesline. Rude counters the follow-up DDT by driving Jake into the corner. Jake misses his usual kneelift and takes a fistdrop between the eyes. Of course, Rude stops to taunt Cheryl instead of finishing Jake. Jake slips over his shoulder on bodyslam and drops Rude with a DDT for the win at 12:24. Pretty good match, but they didn’t really build the finisher stipulation as much as I would have liked. **1/4

Disc Two

This is from Mid-Atlantic early in the careers of both stars. Miller looks a little like Barry Windham while Nelson looks sort of like Bob Backlund during his crazy man days. Steamboat outwrestles both men. Jake tags in and, boy, is he a lanky bastard. Jake tags in and does some stuff, but he doesn’t have nearly the ring presence he would eventually develop. Miller drags Steamer over to the jobber corner where Ricky plays face-in-peril. Jake tags in and snaps off a few of his jabs (patent pending at this point). Steamboat dropkicks Miller into Nelson and tags Jake. Jake hits Nelson with a kneelift and backdrop suplex for the win at 5:47. *1/2

From Georgia, this time. Ronnie and Jake went to a draw the week earlier, so we get this rematch. Jake keeps pushing Garvin around the ring in a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Ronnie finally gets sick of it and blasts Jake in between the eyes. Jake takes a powder and gets some sage advice from Ellering. Back in, Garvin grabs a front facelock as Ellering tells Jake to go with “Plan 4.” Whatever “Plan 4” is, I can’t imagine it involves laying flat in a front facelock for nearly three minutes. Unless the plan is to wait out the clock. Jake tries to ram Garvin into the buckle to get out of it, but Ronnie hangs on. We go to break, and when we come back the whole complexion has changed as Jake is working over Ronnie’s back. Garvin falls out of the ring but comes back in with a crossbody for two. Jake slips out of the ring this time. Ronnie’s all fired up now. He drops a few knees, but Jake gets his foot on the bottom rope. Garvin goes hard after that pin as we get closer to the time limit. They roll around on the mat, choking and clawing at one another until time runs out at 11:19. **1/4

Lanny Poffo, for those who don’t know, is the son of Angelo Poffo and the brother of Randy Poffo, probably better known as “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Lanny’s gimmick was that he’d throw Frisbees “novelty flying disks” out into the crowd and recite poetry. This is Jake’s WWF debut, according to Gorilla, and was a few weeks after he lost to Terry Taylor in Mid-South in his last match. Lanny busts out some lucha stuff, including a sloppy dropkick that sends Jake to the outside. Lanny backflips off the top rope to get out of an armbar. Jake goes for the bag, but Lanny holds on to an armbar. Lanny ducks a swing and gets two off a crossbody. Jake goes for the bag again as the crowd starts to get antsy. Jake hits a gutbuster and grabs a chinlock. Lanny gets fired up and makes the superman comeback. He tries a springboard plancha but slips badly and lands awkwardly on Jake. The ropes look to be pretty loose to try something like that. Jake hiptosses Lanny on the exposed floor. Back in, Jake hits the DDT for the win at 6:48. Jake unleashes his snake all over Poffo’s face, much to the delight/horror of the crowd. Poffo was the Patron Saint of Talented Jobbers, much like Paul London today. But he looked like the white DeBarge, so he didn’t have much hope for a push anyway. **

Earthquake attacks before the bell, but Jake hits a kneelift and unleashes Damien to clear the ring. Earthquake and Jimmy try to get the heck up outta Dodge, but a referee forces them to return to the ring. As a compromise, they make Jake put the snake back in the bag and under the ring. Earthquake attacks Jake from behind and ties him in the ropes. He takes Damien out from under the ring, puts him in the center and squashes him with the Earthquake Splash, making Jake watch the whole time. We actually don’t see it because we cut away to an unsuspecting Sean Mooney in the WWF Control Center. The ref’s finally unleash Jake from the ropes. A distraught Jake unties the bag and has a look at his splattered friend. Sleazy Vince totally oversells the grief on commentary, which is both funny and kind of cool to hear. The “match” was officially 4:26 but consisted of about 10 seconds of contact before the DQ. 1/4*

After the death of Damien and the introduction of Lucifer, Jake snapped and turned heel on the Ultimate Warrior. Of course, the Warrior went nuts too and held Vince up for more money. Vince fired Warrior, leaving Jake with no one to wrestle, so the crack WWF writing staff filmed a quickie addendum to the Summerslam video with Jake and the Undertaker sabotaging Randy Savage’s wedding reception. Of course, Mach was retired, so he couldn’t do much about it but sit on commentary and sulk. One such morning on Superstars, Jake beats his jobber in :44 and lays out a challenge to Savage. Savage accepts and comes down to ringside, but it’s a trap. Jake attacks Savage, wraps him up in the ropes and lets his cobra feast on Savage’s bicep. Ewww. Roddy Piper and Elizabeth run down to make the save. Interesting/Ironic Note: Give the lifestyles of the four people involved, only Elizabeth is dead. Weird how things work out.

This is from Halloween Havoc 1992. Jake had just made the jump and was causing all sorts of problems fro Sting. They spun the wheel to make the deal, and it landed on “Coal Miner’s Glove” sending a collective shiver among the fans. Actually, Coal Miner’s Glove gets a bad wrap because the wrestlers just aren’t willing to sell the concept. The idea is to make the crowd think that the glove could, as one eloquent reviewer once put it, “fuck a nigga up” if it fell into the wrong hands. The suspense then comes from the battle to get this mystical ьberweapon. Instead, guys started no-selling the glove, and it just became one guy hitting another only with a glove on his hand. Michael Jackson could do that. Jake goes for the glove immediately, but Sting catches him and slams him. Sting goes up, but Jake yanks him down. That was pretty stupid of Sting, really, because he saw Jake looking right at him. Sting misses a dropkick, and Jake drops a series of knees to his back. It’s hard to believe this is only a year after the Savage incident because Jake looks ten years older. Sting posts Jake in one corner and goes up the pole. Jake catches him and backdrop suplexes him. Jake hiptosses Sting to the apron and goes up, but Sting crotches him on the top turnbuckle. Jake takes him to the outside and gives him a chairshot. So…slow. Jake chokes Sting out with his wrist tape. Jake gets the DDT to wake up the Philly crowd. Jake goes up, but Sting recovers (way too quickly) and swings around the pole, knocking Jake down. Sting goes up as Cactus Jack runs down and gives Jake his “cobra” and snake-handlers glove. Sting grabs the Coal Miner’s Glove and hits Jake, causing the snake to bite Jake instead. Sting gets the pin at 10:30. You can guess how much the Philly fans were impressed with that ending, especially since it was obvious that Jake was just holding the (relatively) tiny snake up against his face. Jake would never appear on another WCW PPV. 3/4*

This is from SMW as Jake had exhausted all his major league options. Jake was already letting himself go badly. DWB is wearing an eye patch from an injury by the Samurai weeks earlier, so Jake makes fun of him for it. The subplot is Jake yanking DWB’s hair repeatedly and then complaining that White Boy is doing it. Jake gives DWB a little love tap, so DWB knocks him clear out of the ring. DWB goes to work on Jake’s arm with a hammerlock, but Jake snaps him down with a jawbreaker. White Boy gets knocked out of the ring where Samurai shows up at ringside and rips the eye patch of DWB’s eye. Tracy Smothers and Bobby Blaze run down to make the save, but Samurai runs off with the patch. Now, DWB is disoriented by the bright light, and commentator Lance Russell sells it perfectly. Jake measures him, stalks him really, and jabs at the eye. Jake gets two off a kneelift, but DWB reverses for two. Jake starts getting complacent and taunts the fans. DWB makes a big comeback and knocks Jake to the outside. Jake knocks out a camera man and flashes a shot right into DWB’s eye to disorient him. Back in, Jake casually drops him with the DDT and picks up the win and the title at 13:40. This match is proof that you don’t need good workrate (or even hard work) to have a good match. Both guys knew how to work the crowd and had a deep knowledge of the match psychology, so it was just a matter of applying it. **3/4

Jake’s ribs were severely injured by Vader during the semifinals, but he’s perseverant. Austin jumps him immediately and attacks the ribs. This goes on for a while until WWF President Gorilla Monsoon comes out and asks Jake if he wants to quite. Jake’s a trooper. Austin don’t like troopers. He finishes Jake with a Stone Cold Stunner to move on into history at 4:37. That time really belies how one-sided this match was. 1/4*

SummerSlam ’96 here. Jake had to endure Lawler’s numerous taunts about his alcoholic “past.” Lawler tries to buy him off with giant bottle of booze. Jake retaliates by draping his new snake, Revelations, all over Lawler. Jake finally gets sick of Lawler’s stalling and goes out after him. Jake stomps him in the nuts, but referee Harvey Whippleman lets it go. Lawler cheapshots him and ties him in the ropes. King gets a bottle of Jim Beam, but Jake was just playing possum. Lawler blocks one DDT, and grabs the ref on a second attempt. Lawler uses a bottle to jab Jake in the neck. That’s enough for the win at 4:09. After the match, Lawler pours Jim Beam all over Jake’s head. 1/2*

Jake showed up at Hardcore Heaven ’97 and dropped both Tommy Dreamer and Jerry Lawler with DDTs.

From N2R ’98. Tommy had been a feudin’ with Credible & Victory, so who does he get to back him up? Jake Roberts, of course. Jake looks like they found him out in the parking lot at the last minute. He backdrops both guys over and is pretty much spent. Tommy pescados over and takes out everyone. Jake atomic drops Justin and clotheslines him over the top. Jake is kind of like that fleet of Imperial Star Destroyers in “Jedi.” He’s only there to stop them from escaping. Dreamer gets caught in the wrong corner and that’s where the match basically ends. Dreamer crotches Credible and superplexes him, but Justin basically no-sells it. Justin drop toeholds Dreamer on a chair and hits his signature “crotch yourself on a baseball slide” spot. Dreamer catches Credible with the Dreamer Driver (Emerald Frosion). Jake gets the hot tag, and they set up for double DDTs, but the posse and the One Man Gang run in and commence the beatdown. New Jack and Kronus run down to make the save. Tommy rocket launches Credible. Jake finishes with a sloppy DDT on a ladder at 13:20. This was really bad. Really, really bad. O

Final Thoughts: If you’re someone who gets depressed around the holidays, this is probably not for you. It’s like Todd Solandz tried to make a movie about wrestling and it turned into Jake’s life. Jake is a fascinating case study for both casual fans and students of the game. Obviously, he’s a role model for how not to live your life, but there was no one better when it came to character psychology. A lot of the younger guys could learn from him if they’d just take the time to watch closely. Like many wrestlers profiled on these WWE DVDs, Jake will leave a dual legacy: one of indulgence and one of performance.

Solid thumbs up for “Jake “the Snake” Roberts: Pick Your Poison.”

J.D. Dunn