Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 3.14.16

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 3.14.16

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– WWE Tag Team Title Match: Champions New Day defeated The League of Nations @ 13:25 via pin [**½]
– The Ryback defeated Sin Cara @ 4:06 via pin [*½]
– Sami Zayn defeated The Miz @ 7:17 via pin [**]
– Naomi and Tamina defeated Brie Bella and Alicia Fox @ 2:41 via pin [NR]
– The Usos defeated Bo Dallas and Adam Rose @ 1:50 via pin [NR]
– Non-Title Match: Champion Triple H defeated Dolph Ziggler @ 17:30 via pin [***]
– Neville defeated Chris Jericho @ 4:52 via DQ [NR]

– Holy sweet Mary mother of God Raw is starting off with an actual wrestling match! So we’re good for another 18-months. New Day made their way out to the ring, ran down the “League of Booty,” and explained how they roasted them on Twitter. They promised to stay WWE Tag Team Champions.

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Champions New Day (Big E and Woods) w/Kofi vs. League of Nations (Rusev and Alberto Del Rio) w/Sheamus and Barrett: Woods is wrestling tonight, as Kofi has his shoulder taped up. He took a nasty bump at Roadblock, so either he is dinged or they have Woods in there to take the fall. Sheamus and Barrett failed at Roadblock, so Rusev and Alberto Del Rio get the shot tonight. We got the basic back and forth to begin, New Day got the corner stampede but the League battled back and started to work over Big E. I didn’t last long as Big E got a tag to Woods, he got some stuff fin on Del Rio and they went to a commercial. The first portion there was fine, but felt flat. Post break, the League had the heat on Woods. This was very bland, following the flat open, and was coming across as a disappointment. Woods finally got the tag to Big E, who ran wild with some suplexes and finally got the crowd back into it a bit. Big E got cut off by Rusev, who then hit a spin kick for a near fall; that felt odd. Woods got tagged in, it broke down and Big E got taken out, and Rusev scored another near fall, this time on Woods. Kofi then distracted Rusev, who then took out Sheamus and Barrett. Rusev tried to pull Kofi into the ring and Woods got the roll up for the win. The League then beat down New Day post match, this feud must continue. The match was fine, but felt really flat overall with the typical Raw distraction finish. The beat down was fine to continue things, and I hope we get more of a Roadblock match instead of what we got here when they face again.

DEAN AMBROSE TALKS: We got highlights of Ambrose’s false win at Roadblock as he headed to the ring. Ambrose wanted to be here champion, and explains that he was so close to flipping things upside down. He said he knew Triple H wasn’t feeling good, and when he tried to discuss Mania, Heyman and Brock Arrived. Heyman said he was there to protect Ambrose from Brock, and Ambrose dared him to let Brock off of his leash. Heyman explained that he was protecting the Mania main event, and asked Ambrose to stop provoking Lesnar. Ambrose wanted to fight; Heyman took time to shill the network and his client. Heyman left, and Brock headed towards he ring. Ambrose had a crowbar hidden in his jacket, and Brock slowed is role and then stalked the ring. Brock then teased attacking, but bailed and smiled. This was… fine. They hyped the match, but it felt like every other Paul talking segment with no real new ground broke.

The Ryback vs. Sin Cara w/Kalisto: The Ryback is on a collision course with Kalisto, so having him face off with and defeat Sin Cara here makes sense. Sin Cara is wearing some spiffy new black gear, very BUSHI like actually. The Ryback dominated early, tossing Sin Cara around with ease. Cara made a comeback, sent The Ryback to the floor, and then hit a dive. Cara then tried a slingshot in, got caught and The Ryback hit a shell shock and then another for the win. The in ring was ok, but nothing special. The good news is that it advanced the story. The Ryback then told Kalisto that size matters, and challenged the little guy to a US Title match at Mania.

– Stephanie McMahon walks.

Stephanie McMahon Talks: Stephanie McMahon made her way to the ring, took a dig at the crowd for not cheering, and then introduced Triple H. Triple H paraded around with the title, gave his wife a kiss and then discussed how he crushed everyone’s hopes when he defeated Ambrose. He spoke about the fans hoping for everything and that is what they get behind these guys who try to end the Authority. The fans hope and hope that they will succeed, and all they do when they fail is blame authority and then go on with their life hoping it will change and it never does. He ran down the fans, and then said that they loved Roman Reigns and added that Roman Reigns will fail. The apathy during the talk about Roman Reigns was amazing. Dolph Ziggler then came out, and was immediately called a failure. Ziggler said he knows his place, right here in the ring busting his ass for the fans. Stephanie clearly mocked him, said he was talented, but not “that good.” Ziggler asked if they would threaten to fire him again, and added he had nothing left to lose. He then said he and Ambrose were not failures, but instead screwed by the system. Triple H said firing him would be bad for business, and knows that the fans love him. Triple H added that Dolph could get what he wanted with the right backing, teasing an offer from the Authority, but Ziggler refused and called Stephanie idiotic, so she clapped him. BALLS CUT OFF. Stephanie then said he could have any match at Mania he wants (but not the WWE title match), if he wins tonight. She promised to break him, and announced a match with Triple H for later tonight. This feels like they are still hiding Reigns so he doesn’t have to talk, and also setting up for Reigns to make the big save tonight. Also, I appreciate then trying, but after how Ziggler has been booked, I do not care about him at all, and this really didn’t do anything to change my mind. It was fine overall, but it felt a bit too long.

– Kevin Owens joins the commentary team.

Sami Zayn vs. The Miz: This makes sense coming off of Smackdown. Also, Miz was a great role player in the AJ vs. Jericho feud, so he is basically doing that here, while also possibly setting himself up for inclusion in the IC Title match at Mania. After a quick back and forth, they worked to the floor where Zayn hit a moonsault off of the barricade. Well, he sort of hit a moonsault; Miz is shit at catching people. They worked through the break, and Miz worked the heat. Zayn got a few hope spots, but Miz kept control. The work was good, but the crowd has been rough all night. Zayn made a good comeback, hit a dive where Miz almost didn’t catch him again and then Owens talked shit to Zayn, and Miz took him out, Interesting. Owens would distract Miz, allowing Zayn to hit the Helluva kick and win. Like moth things on the show, it was fine, but lacked energy.

– Renee Young interviews the League of Nations. They sent a message tonight, and said that New Day weren’t laughing now. They challenge New Day for a match at Mania. It is really hard to get excited for that match when New Day did beat them two shows in a row.

Brie Bella and Alicia Fox vs. Naomi and Tamina: It’s nice to see that Alicia Fox is still alive. Lana made her way out to the arena, which distracted Fox and allowed Naomi to attack and get the heat right away. Lana again sat on the announce table as Team BAD worked over Fox. Fox got a tag to Brie to almost NO reaction. She got the crowd involved a bit with the YES kicks, hit her charging knee and then hit a Bella buster out of the corner but Naomi made the save. It broke down, Lana distracted Brie allowing Naomi and Tamina to hit a double team and pick up the win. Post match Fox yelled at Lana, allowing Tamina and Naomi to take her out. Are you excited for the eight-woman (Lana, Summer, Naomi, Tamina vs. Brie, Fox, Paige and Natalya) WrestleMania pre-show match yet? The match was short, but fine, and at least they are setting something up with this.

– The Social Outcasts shill Burger king hot dogs.

– JoJo interviewed Paige backstage. Paige tried to talk about Mania season, and Lana arrived and said Paige used to be something but now she has lost it all. Paige tried to mock Lana for not even wrestling yet, and her new friends Naomi and Tamina arrived to defend her.

– Renee Young then interviews Charlotte and Ric Flair. Charlotte says that she knows Sasha and Becky better than anyone, and that she held Sasha’s hair back before her first match as she threw up. Sasha is not the boss to her. As for Becky, she has always wanted to be included. Ric says that Charlotte knew Sasha and Becky would be great, and that she was going to be better. They will be doing a segment with Charlotte, Sash and Becky on Smackdown this week. Charlotte says that you can’t run from your past.

– Edge will be on Sportscenter tomorrow night.

The Usos vs. Bo Dallas and Adam Rose w/Axel and Slater: The Dudley Boyz arrived and sat in on commentary. The Outcasts did a victory lap as Bubba ran down the Usos for using their heritage as a crutch. The Usos took control in the ring, Bubba tried to distract them ad the Usos delivered superkicks to all of the Outcasts. The Dudleyz walked out as the Usos hit the big splash for the win. This was more of an angle to further the Usos vs. Dudleyz feud and to allow the Usos to do their Young bucks tribute act. That is all well and good, but they have been stretching this program out so much that it feels as if the first PPV match will be June, and not at Mania.

– Mick Foley met with Dean Ambrose backstage. Foley wanted to talk with Ambrose, and said he had a gift for Ambrose. Foley said that the match with Brock is a bad idea, and that Ambrose will be hurt badly. Foley wanted to know why, and Ambrose asked Foley about the HIAC match that took place in Pittsburgh and why he climbed the cell and also asked if he was afraid. Foley admitted that he was terrified, but he did it because he was Mick Foley. Ambrose says he is Dean Ambrose and this is what he does. Foley then said he wants Ambrose to take Lesnar to his past, takes his crowbar away and gives him a barbed wire baseball bat as a passing of the torch. I liked that, they kept it short and the illusion that Ambrose is going to his past (CZW shit) works in the context of the feud.

Non-Title Match: Champion Triple H w/Stephanie vs. Dolph Ziggler: If Ziggler wins, he gets any match he wants (but not the WWE Title Match) at WrestleMania. They did a lot of basic wrestling to begin, side headlocks and such, making it feel as if they were going to go long. This felt like Ric Flair vs. local top guy formula from the NWA days. Triple H slammed Ziggler to the barricade prior to the break to get the heat. Triple H dominated post break, including going to the floor and sending Ziggler to the steps. Triple H was working the left arm of Ziggler through out. Ziggler finally made a comeback at about 12-minutes in, scoring some near falls that got the crowd into the match rather well. And as usual, Ziggler largely ignored the arm work that was established. Triple H would again sent Ziggler to the floor, he crashed into the barricade and he then sold the arm. They did the countout tease, Triple H survived and hit the pedigree and picked up the win. Roman Reigns’ music hit and he came out from the back and not through the crowd. Not a good reaction for Reigns at all. He charged the ring and we got the big brawl. Reigns beat him down around ringside, including slamming Triple H repeatedly off of the announce table to JEERS. Referees tried to stop him and Reigns didn’t give a shit as he shoved one down, Triple H tried to escape, and Reigns chased and they did a walk and brawl to the tech area and then backstage. Triple H got “busted open” as Reigns took out security and hit Triple H with a TC as the Usos and others arrived to try and calm him down. Ok, the match was good (not great) and while it had some issues I enjoyed it. The Reigns return was what it should have been, no talking, and all revenge. The problems were #1. he didn’t get to completely kick Triple H’s ass, he kept fighting back and escaped. Hell Ambrose laid out Triple H last week with one move, here Triple H fought like a babyface and got to walk away, that’s not good. #2. the crowd did not react like a conquering hero returned and got his revenge, they still are not behind the guy at all. Some have said it before, but it truly feels as if they are sabotaging Reigns.

– Miss Jackie Moore is going into the WWE Hall of Fame.

– We get shenanigans with Goldust and R-Truth.

Chris Jericho vs. Neville: Jericho cut a promo, very similar to what he said at the Roadblock show, angry that that fans are chanting for Styles. Jericho got sent to the floor and threw a fit as we took a commercial break at 30-seconds in. Post break, we came back to a silent crowd and clunky action. Neville then appeared to hurt his ankle, and Jericho rolled him up for a near fall and Jericho then yelled at the ref and we for a DQ. it appeared that they were just going to have Jericho roll up Neville, and Robinson pulled p and stopped so Jericho shoved him for the DQ. I guess Neville was supposed to win, leading to the angry Jericho promo we got post match. Jericho ranted about Styles and then Styles arrived and hit the springboard forearm to lay out Jericho and stand tall. Jericho tried to make the best out of a bad situation, and they largely did that.

– On Smackdown, Charlotte, Becky and Sasha will go face to face to face.

The Undertaker Confronts Shane and Vince McMahon: Vince, not happy with his ovation, made Lilian announce him again to see if he could get better. Vince claimed Shane winning at Mania is a dream, and that the night after Mania he will gloat after he crushes Shane’s dreams. Vince was thrilled that he will ruin Shane, and won’t have to lay a hand on him because his greatest creation, the Undertaker will do it for him. Taker made his entrance, I made a coffee and did my taxes, and came back as he hit the steps. The crowd was happy to see Taker, as Vince told him to never put his hands on him again. Taker didn’t appreciate that and dropped his coat and jacket, and Vince said it was a lapse in judgment when Taker grabbed him two weeks ago and then said he made a lapse in judgment by bringing it up. Vince spoke about Taker destroying Shane, which of course brought out Shane. Shane did his little dance, and said Vince was not best for business anymore. He praised Vince for picking Taker as his opponent, and Shane then said he will use his mind to beat Taker. Shane basically said he’s try to hit and run, turn his body into a weapon and that he wouldn’t stop at anything to win. He also said he had heart, and that he is fighting for his kids, the fans and the future. Taker thought that his speech was cute, and that Shane didn’t have enough to win. Undertaker then broke news that he has hands, and that they are his legacy. Shane then wanted to know why Taker was letting Vince pull his strings. FINALLY. Shane called him a bitch and they brawled. Shane threw shitty strikes, and Vince shoved him into Taker who laid him out with a chokeslam. Taker looked to attack Vince, but he bailed. Ok, no explanation, but at least they brought in the question as to WHY Taker is doing this. The final segment was solid enough, giving us another chapter as we head to Mania, but it wasn’t great and didn’t make me feel as if I need to see this.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”