Csonka’s WWE Hell in a Cell 2014 Review

Introduction
As a reminder, this will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard. Remember, this is a review; and I am here to review the show. As always, I encourage discussion and even disagreement, just do so in a respectful manner. I will be doing the review for Raws and most PPVs and iPPVs going forward.

“FOR ONLY $9.99 MICHAEL!”

WWE Hell in a Cell 2014

OFFICIAL RESULTS
~ Best Two of Three Falls Intercontinental Title Match: Dolph Ziggler © defeated Cesaro @ via 2 falls to 0 [***¾]
~ The Loser Becomes The Winner’s Assistant For 30 Days: Nikki defeated Brie Bella @ 6:25 via pin [**½]
~ WWE Tag Team Title Match: Goldust & Stardust © defeated The Usos @ 10:07 via pin [***]
~ Hell in a Cell #1 Contender’s Match: John Cena defeated Randy Orton @ 25:26 via pin [***¾]
~ WWE United States Title Match: Sheamus © defeated The Miz @ 8:27 via pin [**¼]
~ Rusev defeated Big Show @ 7:55 via submission [**]
~ WWE Divas Title Match: AJ Lee © defeated Paige @ 6:41 via submission [**]
~ Hell in a Cell Match: Seth Rollins defeated Dean Ambrose @ 14:30 via fuck finish [**]

Best Two of Three Falls Intercontinental Title Match: Dolph Ziggler © vs. Cesaro: This was officially set on Smackdown, they had been building the feud since Ziggler defeated Cesaro when Cesaro had the ropes, and then traded wins this week. Obviously with their skill, if they get time this could be very, very good. Ziggler got the first fall, and then worked over the left arm of Cesaro. Cesaro is such a freak of strength, he did this spot where Ziggler was basically in a hanging guillotine, and then Cesaro walked him up the ropes in the corner and hit a deadlift superplex off the second rope. They have worked together so many times; they already had great chemistry, but have now developed a great repertoire of counters that truly made things enjoyable. Ziggler won with the clean sweep, the arm work also worked into the finish, which I appreciated because it didn’t come off as a time killing device. I liked the clean sweep, first of all it’s not completely predictable like a lot of 2 of 3 fall matches, and on top of that Ziggler’s image needed rehabbed after the way he had been booked on TV over the last few weeks. He got the definitive victory in a very good match, and hopefully they actually build off of that. I wish they had more time, because it felt they had a lot more to offer, but overall this was a damn fine way to begin the PPV.

The Loser Becomes The Winner’s Assistant For 30 Days: Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella: This was better than I thought it would be. The crowd was not into it early, chanting for JBL and such, but they worked a simple and clean match and eventually got the crowd into things. The wrestling was pretty good, there was no bullshit or shenanigans, and we got a clean finish. That’s about all I can ask for.

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Goldust & Stardust © vs. The Usos: These guys have good chemistry and usually have really good outings, so I am looking forward to this. Ina nod to what started the feud, they attacked Jimmy’s knee and posted it to get the heat, which I appreciated. Unfortunately that never became the focus of the match, which I felt was a flaw because they never followed up on it, and then it became part of the finish when Stardust kicked the knee of Jimmy, allowing Goldust to hit his finish for the win. I would have liked a bit more commitment to the work on the knee. With that being said, they had another good match, but not as good as their other encounters. It felt a little slow at times during the middle, but they work together so well and something horrific would have to happen for them to have a bad match. As much as I love both teams, we need some fresh blood though, because I’ve about had my fill of these two teams as opponents. One final note, Goldust is awesome and may seriously be better than ever. His return to WWE has been such a great story.

Hell in a Cell #1 Contender’s Match: John Cena vs. Randy Orton: So Rollins and Ambrose will main event, which I approve of. They played a video package, trying to put over the rivalry as legendary; but that’s hard to accept. Sure they have been the top guys and they have had a lot of matches, but they have never, ever, had that classic or epic match to consider the crown jewel of their feud. I will say that I appreciate the sentiment and trying to build the match as super important. With that being said, lets talk about the match. First of all, if John Cena is going to continue to call spots so loudly in matches, can he announce a spoiler warning first? Seriously, that shit is annoying. Secondly, they still haven’t had that feud-defining match, but overall this was really good. They had a long match, they kicked out of everything, which at times can be bad but in this instance I can buy it because they were fighting for the title shot. It felt a little long, and if they would have trimmed a few minutes it would have been tighter and come off even better. But I did feel that overall this was a very good match, just not great. They tried to work it like it was a classic affair, but the crowd never got into it at that level. They were into the match, but not like throwing babies or hanging from the rafters. Also, this is where the shitty commentary fails the product. They half-heartedly tried to sell this thing, and even when they came across as serious, they lack the credibility to be taken that way.

WWE United States Title Match: Sheamus © vs. The Miz: They had a match, it was fine. It felt like an average TV match. The finish saw Miz jump off the top rope and eat a Brogue kick (which wasn’t exactly hit clean) for the win. WWE had loved that kind of finish ever since HBK vs. Shelton. Sandow continues to be the most entertaining part of Miz’s act. Post match, Sheamus did comedy making a KO’d Miz make YMCA motions while Sandow mimicked him. Sheamus retains, which is a good thing.

Big Show vs. Rusev: Rusev worked the knee of Show early, and then not only did hi abandon it, Show for got to sell it when it came time for him to run wild. That’s unfortunate. Mark Henry came out as most expected, tried to motivate Show, but that distracted him. Rusev then threw a Young Bucks amount of superkicks to both and then scored the win with the accolade. I am sure that this will lead to Show arguing that Henry came out when he asked him not to and a feud that no one wants. The crowd was into things, but the match again felt like an average TV match. Also, everything felt off as far as the heel/face dynamic. Rusev overcomes the odds (he’s smaller and overcame outside interference) to win. Lets move Rusev onto Sheamus so that they can beat the hell out of each other, have fun matches and Rusev can win the US Title.

WWE Divas Title Match: AJ Lee © vs. Paige w/Alicia Fox: Well the ladies title match is back in the death spot, good luck to them. This was another completely average match in a line of them on the show. It wasn’t bad and they worked hard, but I really feel that they fail to deliver overall, they just don’t mesh as well as most hoped that they would. It didn’t help that they were in the death spot and that the crowd didn’t care. Seriously, they cared so little we didn’t even get CM PUNK chants during this. AJ retains, and much like the tag title scene, we need to move onto something fresh, because I’ve had my fill of this feud. In the end, Fox tried to help Paige by tossing her into the ring, which led to AJ getting the black widow for the win. Paige slapped Fox post match and yelled that she hated her.

Hell in a Cell Match: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins w/Noble and Mercury: Ambrose got the biggest reaction of the night, and this was the match I was looking forward to the most. First of all, the feud deserves Hell in a Cell. Secondly, I believe that these guys hate each other. Ambrose tossed toys into the ring, and then climbed the cell. He had a sheath with a kendo stick with him, and waited on Rollins. Rollins teased climbing, and then ordered Noble and Mercury to go after Ambrose. Ambrose beat them down, but Rollins would climb up leading to all three attacking him. They then started to climb down, battled mid-way up and then both took table bumps.

For those that have been asking for cage falls, there you go. The EMTS then came out to check both men, and started to stretcher them out. And then, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLED AMBROSE and he rose from the stretcher to fight again. From there, we got some chairs, a table bridge spot and Ambrose grinding Rollins’ face off of the cage. Kane appeared and blinded Ambrose with a fire extinguisher, go away Kane, you ruin everything fun in wrestling. Rollins would hit the curb stomp for the near fall after that. It didn’t get the reaction I thought it would, especially since they have worked to make the curb stomp a death move for Rollins, so that was disappointing. In a nice moment of continuity, Ambrose grabbed cinder blocks from under the ring to try and finish Rollins off with. I was digging this…

But then the lights went out, and Bray Wyatt spoke in tongues for what seemed like forever. A lantern appeared in the ring with mist and then a “ghostly image” in the light could be seen. Bray then attacked Ambrose out of the mist, and that led to Rollins scoring the pin. What in the hell is the purpose of cage matches and or Hell in a Cell? It’s one thing when the did the Kane debut, because that was being built forever, and Kane screwing Taker made sense in the context of that story. What the hell does Bray have to do with this? Once again, the Hell in a Cell ends in some form of screw job, neutering the stipulation and making it worthless. I thought things were going well here until they pulled a “Warrior in the mirror” stunt. It’s if they specifically booked this for people not to care. Yeah, Bray is back, that’s fine. He’ll feud with Ambrose, it will be a thing. I wanted to see some form of culmination to one of the few feuds the company was running that I cared about, and I didn’t get it. Dean Ambrose was running hot, and then they had to do wacky comedy with slime and hot dog carts, a shitty mannequin segment and whatever the fuck this was. Good work, if you didn’t want me to care, you succeeded. This was a classic example of how bad booking can ruin the hard work of the performers. The booking should accentuate the story and work in the ring, not hurt it. The worst part of this, the fresh main event wasn’t there because of the guys involved, it was there to do that finish.

Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

This was a PPV that started off strongly with the first four matches, and I was into it. The overall quality was good, they had Cena vs. Orton in the middle of the card and I was excited to see the young guys get their shot in the main event. And then it went downhill. The match quality dropped to average TV match level, but I still had hope for a great main event. And I thought that they were going to have that until the finish they ran. It felt completely silly, it continued the poor booking of Ambrose and further devalued the Hell in a Cell match. For a show that started so positively, I don’t think I could have imaged a worse ending. I hear people say, “WWE falls into a creative lull in the fall, you have to ride through it.” No, I don’t have to accept a poorly put together product and pretend to enjoy it.

legend

• 0 - 0.9 Torture
• 1 - 1.9 Extremely Horrendous
• 2 - 2.9 Very Bad
• 3 - 3.9 Bad
• 4 - 4.9 Poor
• 5 - 5.9 Not So Good
• 6 - 6.9 Average
• 7 - 7.9 Good
• 8 - 8.9 Very Good
• 9 - 9.9 Amazing
• 10 Virtually Perfect